My Sister's First Love

-5-

D I o n n e

"Is it this one?"

"Yes, just stop here, thanks."

Grace pulled over in front of my house slowly, her eyes lingering on the steering wheel. I reached for the door handle but she turned quickly, resting her hand on my thigh.

"Dionne — again, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you over there alone. Natalie was panicking because Emily was throwing up all through her nose - I thought I'd be in and out. I- I thought you'd be okay."

She searched my eyes, and from the lines on her face, I could gauge her sincerity. I couldn't blame her for what unfolded at the beach it would be irrational for me to do so.

"Grace . . . It's fine, I promise."

The entire way here she apologized any chance she got. I knew her intentions weren't ill-advised — I saw for myself that she was occupied. I perhaps wished she would've said something before leaving but I wouldn't hold that against her. She had been nothing but sweet to me from the moment we met and it would be unreasonable of me not to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Go home, and get some rest," I muttered wrapping my arms around her in a hug. "Heaven knows I need it."

She nodded. Once we pulled away, I stepped outside of the car. Dash had taken the initiative to drive Natalie and Emily home, so luckily, she could head straight home herself.

"Would you still be open to . . . hanging out again?"

"Definitely... maybe just not on the beach."

We both chuckled and she handed me her phone to put my number in.

"I'll call you, okay?"

I nodded in response and she smiled.

"Let me watch you go in." She insisted, and I waved as I made my way up to my front door.

"Safe drive."

Grace honked as she drove off, and the moment I closed the door behind me my shoulders sagged. I leaned against the door, letting the silence of the house envelope me before my footsteps could echo in the empty space. My eyes felt swollen and heavy and I slowly dragged my feet upstairs.

In my room, the alarm clock struck at the early hour of 12:34. I removed my sandy clothes, and padded over to the bathroom hoping that I wouldn't wake my parents. Under the warm water, I exhaled, placing my hands against my face. The weight of the embarrassment I felt, sunk upon my shoulders, my mind replaying to the event over and over again.

To say that I was humiliated, would be an understatement. I kept seeing everyone at the campsite looking at me as if I'd grown a second head, my stomach churning at the memory of Heath's hands on me — even more so when I remembered Dash's face as I pushed him – and Elias –

"Damn it."

They probably thought I was a freak show, and I couldn't even blame them. I acted as if I'd been possessed and I wouldn't be surprised if I would become the talk of this small town. The hot water cascaded over me, and I tried to seek solace in its warmth, hoping that it would scald the emotions away but my eyes still welled with tears. A lump formed in my throat, and unable to hold myself up I leaned against the wall.

I tried to ignore remembering Elias altogether. The way he pleaded with me to... to let him take me home and the way I pushed him away. And then I would drift too early that night, the way we continuously stole glances at each other, the way my heart leaped in my throat when we did.

I was so stupid.

Despite all the therapy, my parents wasted their money on, my anxiety had a grip on me that was so firm that I was afraid it would suffocate me. I silently sobbed in the bathroom, wishing that I was just in the slightest way different. That I was just... normal.  The water gradually began to turn cold and unwelcoming.