"He's missing, not dead. Quit talking about him as if he's dead, (Name)."
Sebastian looked over his shoulder at your hesitant form following behind him. To say that you were discouraged and terrified of Joseph's well being after being shot by Juli would be an understatement. He could see it in your eyes that you were desperately trying to believe that Joseph was alright, but with each passing moment he could see the light of hope in your eyes fade away.
"There hasn't been any indication that says he's still alive," you mumbled, eyes darting to meet Sebastian's stern gaze only to have him look away and focus on maneuvering himself around the rubble in the subway once again.
"And there hasn't been any that say he's dead either," Sebastian let out a huff as he jumped over a large piece of broken concrete, helping you climb over when you almost slipped.
You were silent, hopelessly trying to let the detective's words soothe you. However, just as before, your chest felt heavy with dread at the huge possibility of Joseph being dead. Or maybe it was the dust tainting what oxygen there was left underground after most of the subway gave way.
"Do you really believe that? You saw what happened, Sebastian," your voice slowly rose at the memory of your fellow teammate shooting one of her own. "You saw what Kidman did! You can't blame me for thinking that Joseph is dead after witnessing that!" Your shoulders shook with emotion as you gripped at your gun a little tighter from the memory.
Sebastian was aware of your feelings towards Joseph. He was sure that the whole damn city knew that you harbored some romantic feelings towards his partner, so of course he couldn't hold it against you when you kept assuming he was dead. It was obvious that you were just trying to prepare yourself for the worst if your assumptions came to be true. He just silently hoped that Joseph was alive more for your sake than for his own, because he wouldn't evenbegin to know how to comfort you at a place like this if it came to be that he was in fact deceased.
You never intended to be that person. One of the first ones to crack under all this pressure, the one that would much rather kill themselves when they couldn't see a way out instead of making one themselves. Especially after everything went to hell and you found yourself slowly being driven to insanity by some asshole in a hooded robe. But as time progressed, you came to realize that the only thing that was keeping you from actually losing your mind was knowing that, hey, at least Joseph was there to knock some sense into you and you accepting it without a second thought. He was your anchor and you didn't realize before just how much losing him would affect you.
You never asked for any of this. You didn't ask for the world to plummet into chaos or to emotionally and mentally rely on the guy who was too committed to his work to realize that you were actually asking him out on a date and not just out for a cup of coffee to talk about the latest investigation he was assigned to.
"I don't know what I'll do, Seb," you whispered, keeping your eyes downcast and waiting for a reply besides the echoing of feet hitting the floor. "He just can't be dead."
"Give Joseph a little more credit, (Name). He's a lot tougher than he looks."
You grimaced at his lame attempt to reassure you. You didn't want to yet again bring up the fact that he had no sort of protection against Kidman's bullets. The heavy feeling in your chest returned as you two continued to venture through the seemingly endless tunnels. At this point, you were beginning to think that you two were travelling in circles.
The gnawing thought in the back of your head told you to forget about the gentle man that seemed too hard on himself when he couldn't do something right. You couldn't help but sniffle a little as some unintentional tears began to stream down your face. God, you hated this feeling. It felt like 200 pounds of bricks were being placed on your chest and the knot in your throat made it seem like you were about ready to throw up.
"I should have just gotten straight to the point and asked him out on a date. Too bad I didn't know the apocalypse was scheduled for this week." you joked dryly, making an attempt to hide the fact that you were holding back the onslaught of tears.
Sebastian didn't know whether to attempt to laugh or feel pity for you, so instead he just clicked his tongue to show that he acknowledged what you said. He didn't have to question why you all of a sudden began pouring out all of your regrets and feelings you had. Despite letting you vent to him, he couldn't help but feel more pity towards you the more you continued to talk about Joseph. He didn't have the heart to tell you the things he knew about Joseph that you didn't. He wasn't going to put you through that unnecessary pain when he could prevent it, after all you were still Sebastian's friend.
You continued to try to lace your sentences with slight humor to show Sebastian that you were fine with all of this; with Joseph dying, with you two being stuck underground, with the possibility of dying a horrible death hanging right over your heads... with everything. But in reality, you weren't and Sebastian could tell. He could read you like an open book that was typed in a size 24 font.
What you didn't know was that Joseph had actually come to Sebastian himself after a coffee "hang out" -as he so eloquently put it- with you, the look of defeat evident on his face. He was distressed over the fact that he might have possibly talked too much about work and not enough about himself for you to ask him out for another cup of coffee sometime that week again. The poor guy was trying to come off as cool and collected as he could whenever he was around you, but you were always so caught up with new ways to catch his attention to actually notice the way he would look at you or the way he would casually start up a conversation just to hear your voice. Ask him to catch bad guys for the rest of his life and he'd gladly do it without breaking a sweat, but God forbid he'd have to ask you out to dinner.
It actually made Sebastian a little distressed to know this kind of information and forcing himself to not tell you about it. The information wasn't his to tell. As much as he kept thinking to himself that Joseph willtell you about how he fawned over you each time you entered the room, he couldn't. He also couldn't help, but think that maybe you were right. Joseph looked as if he was, in fact, badly hurt after the whole ordeal and since he couldn't get any proper help afterwards, the thought of him actually being dead was becoming a lot easier to believe.
You had a right to know even if not knowing the news could potentially be the only thing that was keeping you from having a breakdown.
Sebastian halted in his tracks without warning which made you almost bump into him. You grew quiet as your ears strained themselves for any moaning or dragging of feet that could have possibly made the detective stop so abruptly. Sebastian turned around to face you. He seemed to be struggling with something, but you didn't know what that something was.
"...Seb?" you cautiously asked after almost 30 seconds of silence. "What is it?"
Your (eye color) orbs were wide with concern and it didn't help him at all. Especially with the way your eyes were glossed over with restrained tears.
He couldn't do it. He was believing in Joseph being gone more and more yet he still couldn't bring himself to tell you that Joseph might as well would have been in love with you, but you were still waiting for him to say something. And there it was again, the glimmer of hope igniting your (eye color) eyes as you waited for him to tell you something that could once again help kickstart you into hoping that you were still going to see the light in Joseph's brown, gentle eyes.
It was now or never. He had to tell you what his partner couldn't.
"Joseph... Joseph's going to be fine," his voice didn't waver which made him sound confident and trusting, it was exactly what you needed to hear in him right now. "We're gonna find him, and you're going to finally be able to ask him what you always wanted to."
A smile broke out on your face and it was the first one since they made it to this Hell. Sebastian managed to get that light back in your eyes. He should have felt relieved and somewhat proud, but all he felt was guilt for giving you false hope for something that could very well already be a lost cause.
A soft 'thank you' left your lips as he continued through the subway. He heaved a long sigh, already feeling the regret and guilt eating away at him as he turned his attention to the dark, gloomy tunnel.
