"Sherlock?" John said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He sniffed and avoiding Sherlock's questioning stare, looked towards the skull on the mantelpiece to the right of Sherlock. After saying a heartbreaking goodbye on the airstrip, they now found themselves back at Sherlock's flat facing a new threat together.
"What were you going to say to me? You know, before you took off in the plane. I was sure you were going to say something important but then you came up with that bollocks about Sherlock being a girl's name." John frowned and shook a finger at Sherlock. "And I'm still not naming my daughter after you!"
"What does it matter? I'm back now," Sherlock replied with a blank stare.
"Sherlock, I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything. I'd like to know what you were going to say," John insisted.
"Very well then," Sherlock said waving a casual hand. "Although I assure you its very boring and you won't be in the least bit interested in what I have to..."
"Sherlock!" John growled.
"I love you," Sherlock said so quickly that John was sure he misheard him.
"Sorry?" John said with an awkward smile. He took a step forward to better hear his friend.
"I love you. I've been meaning to tell you for quite sometime but I could never find the right words and then with Mary, there never seemed an appropriate time."
John gaped at Sherlock with opened mouthed shock. It seemed as if John was frozen in time, unable to move, breath or even blink. His eyes were on Sherlock but he wasn't seeing him for there was a storm brewing in his mind.
"You love...me?" John finally uttered slowly. His mind and body had somehow forgotten how to work. "You love me as a friend? A brother? A boyfriend?" John choked and coughed on the last word.
"A boyfriend, obviously. Do keep up, John."
John took a step back, shaking his head.
"Why...?" John cleared his throat. "Why did you not tell me this before?"
"Before what?" Sherlock replied blankly.
"Before everything, Sherlock!" John shouted, suddenly consumed with an anger that surprised him. He took a deep breath but it didn't do much good.
"Would it have made a difference?" Sherlock's voice was cool and collected for he knew the answer so there was really no heartbreak. His heart had already been broken or rather frozen. Sherlock had always kept his heart frozen but since he'd met John, John had slowly thawed his heart to the point where it had been glowing with warmth. Then Mary entered their lives and his heart slowly started to freeze. It was at the wedding reception that Sherlock's heart was once again turned to ice.
At the airstrip, he thought it might be easy to tell John how he felt. They were never going to see each other again and there was nothing to lose. But still he couldn't get the words out.
Now he had said it without hope or agender. He wasn't expecting a positive reply.
"I dunno, maybe," John muttered sounding ever so sad.
Sherlock blinked at John in shock. John's eyes, so full of sadness seemed to mirror what Sherlock felt deep down and far away.
"If things had been different, if you hadn't died, if I hadn't...Sherlock, I thought you were dead. Can you imagine the pain I felt and then I met Mary but..." John's voice faded away. But what? What was he about to say?
Sherlock opened his mouth. Closed it without a sound with a puzzled look, then opened it again.
"John, what are you saying?" He asked slowly. "Are you trying to tell me that if I confessed my feelings towards you earlier then you may have in fact returned those feelings?"
