Grooves

1

"Do you ever, truly, think before you do?" Terra asked down the phone like, sounding thoroughly exasperated. "I mean, like, honestly," I pursed my lips at her question, looking at the elevator before me without seeing it.

"Define honestly." Came my reply just as the elevator dinged to my floor, doors slowly sliding open.

"Joanne!" Her yell came as I stepped into the elevator, causing me to wince as her voice crackled over the phone. "This is ridiculous, you can't just change careers spontaneously like that. Your job was so reliable, and it's not like it paid bad. Are you doing this for more money? I know new jobs can offer more at the beginning, but I still don't think it's wise. Was it for a change?" I opened my mouth to respond, but Terra only paused long enough to answer her own question. "Of course, it isn't, the modeling field is diverse enough that you could have switched it up without finding a new job."

I let her ramble on as my thoughts were taken by her words. It's true, to a certain extent, that I could have thrived for the next ten years on the modeling path, but I had limitations. To me, the field of plus size modeling was vastly different from what I'd seen for my thinner counterparts. It's not like I was excluded; I'd had shoots with the best of them, landing covers on magazines and plenty of places in shopping catalogs. Best of all, I enjoyed it, for the most part. But I'd had a barrier placed in front of me in the last few years, and the companies who put it in front of me were done helping me swerve around it.

Terra had stopped lecturing, not sure how long ago, but I spoke once I finally noticed.

"Just because it comes across as spontaneous to you doesn't mean I haven't planned it out." I expected a snarky response, but when it didn't come, I continued with a sigh. "I've been thinking about and planning for this for over six months. I've done the research, took some classes, went to auditions and even already have my first script. It's for a TV show, so it has the possibility of being consistent."

"Wait, you are already signed under a company? You have an actual role?" I bit my tongue at the disbelief in her voice, refusing to be deterred by her near constant skepticism.

"I'm on my way to read the first episode's script with the other cast members as we speak; the role is mine as long as me and my male co-star match well." I didn't voice my concern to Terra in the moment; I truly feared that we wouldn't match, and then I would be left scrambling to figure something out, as Terra worried. Logically, I didn't see why we couldn't match, but the deep-seeded self-doubt that came from my size wouldn't let my logical mind win.

"Oh," Terra muttered as my elevator reached the ground level, doors opening. "You should have started with that." I rolled my eyes while stepping out, nodding to Lance as he waved then sent for valet to bring my car around.

"Where's the fun there?" Terra met my words with a sigh, and I could picture the way she'd rub her eyes, both elbows fixed firmly to her desk. There was silence over the phone for a long moment and I made no effort to break it. I loved Terra, we'd been best friends for almost five years now, but I was over having to explain myself to her; to everyone.

"I'm free this weekend, we should try to meet up." I paused at her offer, knowing full well she'd want to ask about why I'd decided to leave modeling. Anger rose in me at the thought; I didn't owe her an explanation as to why I decided to change something, and while I knew she came from a place of love, it still felt like crossing a boundary.

"I'm fine with that, but no model talk." I said firmly as my car pulled out in front. "I've made my choice and until I'm ready, there's no reason to talk about it more." Smiling at the man who handed me my keys, I hopped in, my phone immediately connecting to my car. "I'm going to go, but I'll text you later." There was a pause as I buckled my seatbelt, her voice coming through my car speaker as I put it in drive.