to be loved by a woman

him

he wanted me to not have a single thought in my head except for him and then he got mad when my whole life levitated around him, his hands, with his fingers, that smelt like weed when he put them in my mouth, my lips that were desperate for his touch and kiss, his hair, which i grabbed in an attempt to keep him close to me forever
when he first looked me in my eyes their obscurity shot me in my heart forever, only for the bullets to continuously eat my insides when he was not around
he made me dependent of him
he wanted me to stop eating when he was mean to me
to stop sleeping if i wasn't dreaming of him
to become his slave
and i would gladly worship him until i die
he possessed every inch of my skin and put a veil over my eyes that was unraveled only when he was around
the truth is, that in his absence, i was blind
he divided me in twenty different pieces but he eternally captured my touch, my vision and, for the first time, i fell in love
he designed me, piece by piece, took over my mind, but always left me begging for him to come back
and with every return i felt more alive
i think that i took my first breath while lying on his chest
he felt just like this presence that has been following me around ever since i was born, making me feel like i was destined to be with him, that i was created solely for the purpose to serve him
meeting him at nineteen years of age seemed weirdly perfect
by this time you already have enough experience to know who you are but still an eternity to share with your other half
i was absorbed by him, i liked studying him, his walk, his body, his talk. he was slowly, but certainly driving me insane with every gesture.
i knew that if he could see himself though my eyes he would poke them out of his skull
every night i kept on waiting for his call like i was under some strange spell
i never liked being held, but in his arms i always felt like i was safe, far away from everything that made me sad. at peace. at home.
i could not compare it with anything that has ever happened to me before. the denial. the confusion.
finally, i embraced the fact that i will never be the same after i met him.