My Swamp

Untitled Part

The wedding was going perfectly. Everyone was doing exactly as the reaction cards said and Lord Farquaad was about to marry the most beautiful girl in the kingdom. You would think he would be happy, but alas, he felt like something was missing.

The wedding continued and it was getting close to Farquaad and Fiona's eternal bondage. He was starting to worry. Yes, Fiona was beautiful, however she wasn't what he wanted. He needed out. He considered his options. He could run. He was worried that he was too short though. He could make her out to be an evil monster of some kind, though he didn't know if people would believe him. He could always make them believe him, after all he is king.

He didn't have to think for long. Suddenly the doors slam open and in the doorway is Shrek. Farquaad is secretly relieved. After all, Shrek is obviously there for Fiona. He is going to object to the union of Farquaad and Fiona and whisk her away on the back of his magic talking donkey or whatever barn animal he keeps around. Things didn't go how he expected, however.

Shrek was there to stop the wedding, though not for the reason most people thought. "I object!" The ogre bellowed. Fiona ran towards Shrek. Everyone made sounds of adoration towards this, even though the reaction cards were telling them to boo. Shrek, to every ones surprise, walked right past Fiona and right up to Lord Farquaad. As the tall ogre got closer to him, Farquaad realized what was missing. He wanted Shrek.

How could he want Shrek? An ogre? He was sure he had lost it. Shrek reached the front of the room and got down on his knees. Though he was only at eye level with Farquaad, he still made his point. "My lord, I know that I have no chance here but I couldn't let this continue without shooting my shot. I love you, Farquaad. I have for a while now. I thought that by rescuing Fiona I would fall for her, but instead it only made me realize how strong my feelings are for you."

Farquaad was lost for words. He did not expect this. "Shrek, I honestly can't believe this. I think that I may have feelings for you as well."

Now they were both shocked, but neither as much as Fiona. She was hurt and furious. "Neither of you love me!? I was saved by one of you then told I was to marry the other only for you both to fall in love with each other? And you both USED me? I can't believe this. And who am I supposed to marry now, the donkey?"

Donkey for some reason felt the need to respond to this. "Sorry princess! I'm marrying the dragon!" This just made Fiona even more mad. Then, as though things couldn't get any more surprising, the princess transformed into an ogre.

Lord Farquaad was shocked. "You didn't tell me? But you were going to marry me!" Fiona was still quite pissed. "It wouldn't have mattered. If you had sucked it up and kissed me, this wouldn't have happened! And besides. You apparently have no issues with big ugly ogres, seeing as you apparently like him!" As she said this, she pointed at Shrek.

Farquaad was ready to respond to that. "It isn't the fact that you are an ogre, its the fact that you didn't tell me! I wouldn't have cared! Now I'm glad I didn't marry you."

Fiona stormed out of the room and Shrek and Farquaad turned their attention back to each other.

"So... what now?" Shrek asks. Farquaad is quiet for a moment, thinking. "Well there is an opening in the wedding. Would you be interested in the position?" Shrek is shocked by this. "Don't you think that is a little quick? After all we just confessed. This isn't how relationships are supposed to go." Farquaad laughs a little. "I'm the king and this is legitimately a fairy tail. If I want to get married right away, I can get married right away. No one can judge me for it. Besides, we have everything set up already. We have guests, an officiator, there is even a honeymoon set up already. It would be quite sad if this was all to go to waste." Shrek responds, a bit unsure but still quite happy. "Well I guess it wouldn't be all that bad. It would get me away from those two" he motions to Donkey and Elizabeth, who were now making out in the carriage lot out front.

The two get married and celebrate with all their friends. It was still quite tense, seeing as Farquaad had just kicked all of Shrek's' friends out from their land. He did promise to give them all back all of their land. As the night went on, Shrek and Farquaad shared information about themselves with each other. They spent all night talking. never running out of things to say. Eventually they got tired and decided to shut the party down. After all, they had plans for later that night...

(The plan is to eat cheese, in case you were wondering)

I hope that if you read this you find a great therapist. I am not even done yet :)