While I'm Gone

Chapter 11 - Enigmas

ALEX | 21 FEBRUARY 2015 | 14:25

Hope everything's ok with you. Charlie is doing fine. We'll catch a movie this evening. Might be better if you call before we leave.

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So this is it? You're married to a guy all these years, he walks out on you just like that, and all you get is a dry, drab text message almost a week later? He messes up your entire world, and this is all you get? Unbelievable!

That bastard hasn't had the decency to call you not even once! Shouldn't he at least have checked if you're still in one piece? For Christ's sake, you're the mother of his child, not some random stranger. Idiot!

_______

The telephone rang at around seven o'clock in the evening. It was from the reception desk: Mr O'Brian was in the lounge, would I come down or could he go up?

I grabbed my coat, the red scarf, and the pair of gloves I had just bought that afternoon, and went down to meet him, pretty much determined to put an end to it.

The thought I'd been cheated on and dumped like an old rag, and now there was this guy trying his best to do the exact same thing to some other woman was driving me mad. I knew I had to ditch him before I lost all my faith in people and felt even worse about myself.

"Oh, there you are! You okay? I sent you a couple messages and−"

"I'm fine. Come with me." I didn't respond with the expected warmth.

Taking the lead, I left the hotel and walked towards Bedford Square Garden. I have no idea of how he reacted to my outburst, I was too restless to look at his face.

"Is there a problem?"

"What are you doing here? I thought you were busy this evening." That sounded lame, and I regretted it immediately. I sounded as if I were needy or moody, but no, it was just my malfunctioning brain filter. "Sorry, that didn't come out right. It's none of my business," I said in a more conciliatory tone.

"Yes, there's this birthday party for a colleague from the Centre. I'm meeting them at a club nearby."

I continued to avoid looking at him. "Good for you."

"Just dropped by to check on you and−"

"I told you, I'm all right."

"−And see if maybe you wanted to come with me. You don't seem fine. What the hell happened?" He tried to take hold of my hand, but I shook him off.

We sat on one of the garden benches, and I immediately started to fire in every direction. "Look, what is this game we're playing? Shouldn't we be old and sensible enough to behave in a different way? Can't you grasp the full implications of this?"

"Old enough? What does that mean? I'm not following you. Are you telling me I'm too old to find you an interesting and–"

"And what?" I stood up, prodded by my own irritation and nervousness, and got it all off of my chest. "Damn it, you saw me less than a week ago, at an airport, created an entirely fantasised image of me and now I'm... What do you want? To cheat on some other woman who you probably tricked to come here, or who probably thinks you're working late right now – I don't know, I don't care – with someone who's the perfect one-night-stand because next week what could be a royal pain in your butt will simply disappear?"

Matthew ignored me completely and continued the sentence he had started before, "And, today, a very enigmatic woman." He was now standing so close I could feel his entire body leaning against mine, his warm breath brushing my skin. "And that somehow has a magnetic effect on me."

He bent his head down to kiss me.

But I pushed him away and stepped back. "Magnetic? Oh shit, were you reading my horoscope now?"

He looked at me genuinely confused. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, just forget it. We'd better go now."

Grabbing me firmly by my upper arms, he pulled me so close his lips weren't farther than one inch away from mine. "Look, I am not cheating on anyone, I'm just... I don't know, I just can't stop thinking about you all day long, so what can I say? Yes, as strange as it is, I don't know you, I don't know anything about you, and apparently you won't tell me either. But despite all that, I can't–"

"Matthew, look at me. I'm a mess, an absolute mess. Believe me, you don't want to have me around right now. I have to get my shit together before I even consid–"

He seized my hand. "Please, come with me."

His smile was gone, and I could sense his irritation, read all the signs of impatience in him. The grimace on his face, his lively eyes now turned into a darker green, his deep voice tinged with frustration.

Without ever letting go of my hand, we walked back towards the hotel. Those few minutes of complete silence were incredibly awkward and confusing to me. Frankly, I thought he'd already had enough, that he would dump me there, and that would be the end of our very short story.

But he didn't.

Instead, we entered the Tottenham Court Road car park and moved on to approaching his car. Eventually, the headlights of a black Mercedes flashed. After opening the passenger seat door, Matthew gestured me to get inside.

I frowned.

"Oh come on, I'm not kidnapping you! I'll bring you back in a bit if you want me to. But let me show you something. Please?"

My inner voice shook its head immediately and ordered me to say 'no' – because that, obviously, would be the only rational, prudent thing to do. It would also be fully consistent with all of my doubts and reservations. Besides, the last thing I needed was some rebound fling. Or worse, have to deal with a psycho.

Then again, I had been consistent my entire life and look what it's gotten me into...

Oh, sod it.

At the last minute, I made my mind and got into his car.

We passed the British Museum and the historic Bloomsbury Square Gardens, then Matthew took Old Gloucester Street and finally stopped to park near the Royal London Hospital. It had been a very short ride, no more than eight-ten minutes.

"Please, come." After opening the car door, he extended his hand out to me.

I took it. "Where are we?"

"You'll see."

We entered a modern building and got into the lift. Neither of us said a single word, but he was still firmly holding my hand and drawing circles around my knuckles.

The lift stopped on the third floor. Matthew led me towards one of the doors, opened it, and switched on the lights, revealing a modern, quite impressive flat.

Standing in the middle of the reception lounge, he finally broke the silence. "So, there you go, my place. No family, no wife, no cheating on anybody. You can see it with your own two eyes."

Surreptitiously I scanned the correspondence lying inside a round silver plate on a console table. Yes, his name was on it. Only his name.

Giving him a hesitant glance, I strode across the living room and pulled the curtains back. The view across Queen Square was simply amazing.