New Home, New LIfe, New Friends.

Emotions And Past

Faddei POV

First impressions are not always good. That is exactly what happened to me. We have now known Dusica and Anton for an hour. We still don't know what happened before but we don't want to push it because it seemed to be quite sad. Dusica and Anton have been really nice; And it's shocking to me that Dusica was drafted into the war. But I still have a lot of questions and laughing about anything and everything will not help.

"Are you going back to Russia or?" I ask. I hope I didn't sound weird or anything. Dusica stopped giggling at my brother's stupidity and looked at me with his sea blue eyes, which makes me feel like I'm looking off the side of a boat in a crystal blue ocean. Dusica then looks behind him towards Anton, who has already heard what I said and is now looking down to the ground.

"We... we don't have anyone waiting for us in Russia anymore" Dusica said, turning his head back to me mid-sentence. His eyes seemed to drain of colour and his face became more sad by the second. I instantly felt bad for saying anything and my brother looked really annoyed at me for ruining the moment. It's always me ruining everything... Why is it always me?

"I'm sorry... I didn't know... I-I... I" I said sorry but I couldn't get anything out of my mouth after a few seconds. Dusica looked directly into my eyes and now I realised that they look a lot like my mothers which causes my heart to speed up and I have a hard time holding back my tears. I tried so, so, so hard but I soon felt one run down my face. I quickly turn around and walk off towards a bench nearby overlooking a beautiful lake but I don't look at the lake, I just sit down and think, trying to distract myself.

But then I realised that I made the situation about myself again. It should've been about Dusica and Anton. But I made it about me... Again! I always thought that people didn't want to be friends with me because I look bad or smelt bad but no! It was because I always made every situation about me... My mother was the only one who cared about me. My father would always go to Petruso and leave me behind. Petruso was always the centre of attention. There was no denying that. But I was always told by my father 'You're 8 years older than him, you need to grow up. I have given you a lot of attention for those 8 years'. You would think I would be happy that he died but no. He was a major part of my life even if it was just for 8 years. My mother, bless her soul, knew that I was still young and needed the attention but that was difficult with my father around. He would constantly drag her away from me to go to see Petruso.

So, I think, the lack of attention from when I was younger caused me to act like this. And seeing that Dusica has similar eyes to my mother, the only one who cared, caused me to break down.

I soon came back to reality by sinking into my hands and balling my eyes out with tears. I have never felt this emotional before. I am just sitting here, on a bench by a beautiful lake, surrounded by people, crying. Because I made something which shouldn't have been about me, about me.

Why.. why... why... you stupid... selfish... bitch!" I whisper-yell to myself. I hit my head quite hard and started to feel dizzy... and there I go, making every situation about me. I go to hit myself again but then my hand moves to my arm, grips it with my nails and starts to drag its way all over the top of my arm. Then I hit myself in the head again. I hit it so hard my eyes started to fade black but when I blinked my vision came back.

I looked down towards my arm and there was a bit of blood spilling from the scram marks and my head hurt like hell but it's what I deserve. I look back up to look at the lake and to reduce the pressure on my hand but get scared by Dusica already in front of me.

"Are you okay?" Dusica said in a worried tone, but all I do is jolt backwards and let out a small yelp. Which I did not know I could do... it was so high pitched. Dusica just laughs at my reaction and then sits down beside me. God his laugh always gets me to have this weird feeling, probably just me feeling a bit overwhelmed with what is going on.

"I guess that what I said made you act like that. Sorry, I didn't mean to. Are you okay now? We are all worried about you. I understand you don't want to talk right now. Let get you fix up, yeah? Or stay here for a bit?" Dusica asked a lot of questions and towards the end of his sentence he forgot some things about the english. Dusica soon nodded and said "We stay here then" and grabbed my arm to clean with some rubbing alcohol and plasters. His hand, after he had finished, slid down my arm to my hand and grabbed it.

I looked over to him to see that he was already relaxed against the back of the bench. I looked back in front of me but then Dusica started to speak again. I will have to say that his accent is amazing and that he could speak for hours and I would not get bored.

"It okay to cry, feel upset or anything because it natural and everyone has feelings. You are not selfish for having feelings and you are not selfish for reacting the way you did back there. You had parents die, you saw parents dead body but you are strong for keeping going. You didn't let it stop you from going. You are strong Faddei, very strong." Dusica said in very broken English but the last sentence really got to me as he squeezed my hand a bit.

"Hang on! You're taller than me when sitting down! No fair!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

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Well that was a rollercoster of emotions. But hey! That's what I call character building!

Commemt what you want to see in the next chapter!

That being said...
I hope you have a great day/night/evening/morning you wonderful people, See Ya!