lita stories <3

ฝันร้าย (nightmare)

(A/N) TW death suicide self harm possible ed? this was also rushed okay
rains pov
i sat there, on the mud, tears falling no matter how hard i tried to hold them back. it was all my fault. if i had just let them take a few more minutes then none of this would have happened. i stared at the graves infront of me.

here lies Saifha ********
2002-2023
cause of death: shot

here lies Prapai *****
2002-2023
cause of death: shot

here lies Sky ******
2003-2023
cause of death: shot

here lies Phayu ********
2002-2023
cause of death: shot

everyone had lost their lives. because of me. i had told them where to meet and the exact time. they were a tad bit late and i called telling them to hurry. if i had just let them take a few more minutes, they would all still be here. if they were about 2 more minutes late then they would have survived, and not me. which i had much deeply prefered. i heard the sobs of their parents at their graves. skys dad was kneeling with his head resting on the rock with skys name on it. he was sobbing, saying how brilliant his future would have been. prapais siblings were crying as they hugged eachother, desperatley. prapias dad was stood with a look of disbelief, with tears streaming down his face. phayus parents were stood at the ends of both of their kids graves.

'my babys. they were finally starting to build a good future and now they are gone!' their mother screamed as she hugged her husband. everyone was crying. my head was spinning, my bestfriend. dead. the person he loved the most and healed him. dead. my world, my lover, my happiness. dead. his twin brother who never wanted anything but luck for me. dead. why? because of me. after a long time everyone had left. but me. i couldnt. how was i suposed to live? how? they had died and left their brillant lives because of me.

at school was the worst. everyone had figured out. because i mean. the god of the faculty and the smartest in year had both died. of course everyone knew.

'hes a murderer.' 'if phayu had just dated me none of this would have happened' 'its all his fault.' 'dont get to close, he might kill you' 'hes bad luck.'

the teacher gave me weird glances. the students mocked me. no notifications on my phone. the cuts on my wrists itched at my clothes rubbing them. my grades dropped dramatically. no sleep. overthinking. crying all the time. everyone had turned against me. even my own mother and father.

i felt the cold breeze run through my hair. the city lights were dull. my eyes dripped with the sorrow that had been felt a month after the incident. i couldnt see, nor breathe. i cried. harder then ever. i looked down at the blurry water and took a few if my hopefully last breaths. i screamed, letting all my emotions out.

'ITS ALL MY FAULT, IM SO SORRY TO THOSE WHO LOST THEIR PRECIOUS LIVES TO ME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH P'PAYU YOU NEVER DESERVED THIS MY LOVE AND IM SO SORRY P'SAIFHA YOU ANGEL. SKY IM SO DEARLY SORRY, YOU HAD JUST HEALED FROM YOUR TRAUMA AND I KILLED YOU. P'PAI IM SO SORRY YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN. I CAN NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF AS YOUR BLOOD IS PERMANENTLY STAINED ON MY HANDS!' i cried tears that sky used to wipe with his thumbs. my hands were shaky that used to be solved by saifha holding it in a friendly manner. my breath was quivering which prapai used to help me control. i could feel fresh blood rolling down my arm and thighs, that payu used to kiss ever so gently before sleeping next to me his arms around my waist as my head lay on his chest. i heared ringing in my ears as i crouched down burying my head in my knees. 'im so sorry' i felt people hugging me. i looked up. no one. no one cared anyway. it was my fault. i stood and was about to jump when i heard phayus calming tone of voice.

'rain? baby what on earth are you doing?' i turned. no one.

'rain? look at me then' said sky. i looked. no one.

'rain? are you okay? was it stop again?' said saifha. i looked. no one.

'sky i think your bestfriend, rain, is upset.' said p'pai.

i looked again. no one. I couldnt help it. 30 days of being deprieved of my lover, friends, family, sleep, socialising, happiness, food, drink, studies ect, this was the only way out. i jumped feeling the water take me to my sweet death.

i woke up with a start.

'shh,' i heard payu whispering in my ears. i recognised the voice and hugged phayu tightly. 'hello to you to' he laughed but i crawled onto his lap and kissed him, he was confused but went along. once we broke apart i told him all about my dream. he was concerned that if he died then i would ever consider the thought of suicide but didnt mention it. saifha walked in.

'whats all this noise? i can hear you from downstairs-' he was cut short by me hugging him. 'uh hello?' i knew that phayu was probably giving some sort of jealous look but i didnt care. saifha was alive. so was phayu. i let go of saifha and called sky.

'hello? what do you need rain? its the middle of the night-'

'sky oh my gosh your alive, thank god, oh'

'what?'

'i had a bad dream where you payu pai and saifha died and i commited suicide but lets not think about that, im so happy your alive right now, thank you so much.'

i heard pais sleepy voice on the call. 'we are busy,'

'no we are not. also pai isnt going to stay alive long if he keeps stealing the blanket.' sky said.

'what? when did death come in the converstion?' pai said. the phone went dead after sky had whispered

'see you tomorrow rain'

payu stood and carried me back to bed, saifha took this as his queue to leave, payu caressed my hair and promised that he would still be there for me even when he died. that pulled the weights off of my shoulders. i relaxed my tense muscles and fell asleep on my beloveds chest.

(A/N) i was being emo when i wrote this so yeah.

words: 1105