The Monsters Inside Us

Three

"So," Bachira started, leaning over until he rested his head on Isagi's thigh, curling the rest of his body into himself. His eyes weren't all the way closed, but almost. "What'd I miss?"

Isagi had gotten used to Bachira. Mostly.

The initial overwhelming feelings he had about Bachira's forwardness had faded and since become rather manageable, especially as he observed that he seemed to speak his mind and maintain a lack of personal space with pretty much everyone. He had no hesitation lying on the other team members' shoulders during mealtimes or breaktimes, or asking to borrow shampoo and going right into their shower stalls to retrieve them before they even said yes. Without feeling like it was special treatment or like he was being singled out, Isagi was calmer.

He still felt some type of way about it, but he figured it was just the uncertainty of never before having encountered a friendship, if that's what it was, such as this one.

Isagi sighed, looking down at the boy curled up on his lap. "You wouldn't miss anything if you'd stay awake during the meetings."

"Bo-ring!" Bachira whined teasingly. "I'd much rather have you explain it to me. You make it so much more interesting."

Isagi sighed, trying to make it sound playful. He averted his eyes.

The confusion and everything else had lessened, but it hadn't dissipated entirely. There were still some moments that provoked a sudden spike of emotion. Sometimes it did feel like special treatment, and it made Isagi feel, for lack of a better term, terrified.

He wasn't sure why it terrified him so much. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. He was mostly scared that it didn't have anything to do with Bachira at all, and this uneasiness was just originating from inside himself, from his own thoughts and feelings.

"We talked about our weapons," Isagi started. "Like, our personal skills when it comes to soccer."

"I remember that part," Bachira said. "Mine's dribbling, remember?"

"Right."

"What's yours?"

"Huh?"

"What's your weapon, Isagi?" Bachira asked, opening the eye closest to him fully, so he could see his face when he responded. "What did you say?"

"I don't know," Isagi admitted, the shame coming in just as forcefully as it did when he'd said it the first time. "I guess I'm still figuring it out."

"Huh," Bachira said, pondering this to himself, closing his eye again.

"Do you want to know what everyone else's are?" Isagi asked.

"No," Bachira answered. "I don't care what anyone else's is."

Isagi swallowed hard, trying to rid his throat of the lump that had found its way in it. Was that not weird? He'd gone out of his way to ask his weapon, and then turned right around and said he didn't care about anyone else's.

"That guy, Chigiri," Isagi started, desperate to change the subject and give himself something else to focus on. "He said he didn't want to say."

"Hmm," Bachira hummed tiredly. He was losing interest.

"Yeah," Isagi said. "Weird, huh?"

"Hmm," Bachira said, in the most minimal amount of agreement. He had lost interest entirely now that the subject had moved off Isagi. He put the tip of his thumb in his mouth and let go of the last bit of effort he was putting into staying awake.

"So, he has one, but doesn't want to say," Isagi pondered, speaking more for himself than anyone else. "Further along than me, anyhow."

Isagi sighed again. He did hate that everyone else in the building not only had a weapon, but was so sure of it when they were going around the circle. He would readily admit, in the safety of his own mind anyways, that not everyone's weapon was necessarily impressive, but they had one, and that was still further away from where he was at. He then wondered if he should ask Bachira. They'd just met, sure, but he seemed some type of interested in him, excited by him anyways, whatever that meant, and they'd played a one on one match. It was more than Isagi could say about his relationship with anyone else so far.

"Bachira," he said, finding that same type of odd sting every time he voice his name out loud. He shook it off. "What do you think my weapon is?"

When he didn't answer, Isagi looked down, wondering if he was still thinking or if he didn't have any more idea than himself. Neither was the case. Bachira had just fallen asleep in his lap. Annoyance struck Isagi, and he let out another sigh. Still, though, he didn't have it in him to move or wake him.

"He got you, huh?" Isagi suddenly heard from the doorway.

Looking up, he found Kunigami, leaning against the doorway on one of his arms stretched over his head. Isagi's face got hot, like he had just been caught in the middle of something awful. But Kunigami had said it so casually, smiling like it was funnier than anything else. He stepped into the room.

"There's a trick you can do where you slide a pillow under his head and slip your leg out," Kunigami continued, motioning his head slightly to sleeping Bachira. "Gotta be fast, though."

Isagi almost found himself saying that he didn't mind. But then he wondered if that was weird. And that was of more importance to him compared to whenever he wondered if what Bachira was doing was weird, because most of the things he did were. Isagi looked to either side, finding that in the dishevelled mess of the sleeping area, there were no pillows in reach.

"Eh," Isagi said, trying to seem indifferent, motioning to the mess of the room and lack of pillows in his immediate area.

Kunigami raised his eyebrows. "I could pass you one."

To Isagi, it felt oddly like a challenge. He made another attempt at swallowing the lump in his throat. It remained, and more than that, itched.

"Yeah," Isagi finally said. "Okay."

Kunigami slid his foot under one of the pillows nearest him, giving no care to who's it might be, and with a swift controlled motion, kicked it over. Isagi didn't have to reach or even more to catch it. Of course, he didn't. Kunigami had kicked it with his left leg, after all.

"Nice shot," Isagi said. "Some weapon."

"Thanks," Kunigami said genuinely.

Isagi held the pillow and looked down at Bachira, who was sucking the tip of his thumb, breathing and dreaming, none the wiser to anything occurring around him. He slept anywhere and everywhere, and like the dead when he did.

So odd, indeed.

He hesitated as he held the pillow, wondering how the best way to go about this was. He shifted just slightly, feeling the heat from the boy's cheek shift on his thigh, and it felt like it shot the rest of the way up his leg. It made Isagi hesitate.

Kunigami noticed the hesitation, but figured it was due to kindness and a desire not to wake him.

"You don't have to be that fast," Kunigami said, trying to take the pressure off. "You want some help?"

"No," Isagi answered right away, without even thinking. It surprised him. He cleared his throat. "I got it."

"Alright," Kunigami said. He didn't think anything of it. He shrugged and ducked back out of the room.

With the room clear again, Isagi thought about just letting him be. He didn't really mind it, really. Bachira was alright when he was asleep.

But the thought of Kunigami coming back in to see he hadn't moved really bothered him, so he grabbed the pillow he'd had kicked over to him, and folded it in half.

Just gotta be fast.

It seemed like poor advice.

Isagi held the pillow on the outer side of his leg, and used his free hand to cradle Bachira's head during the switch. He lifted him a little, deciding to substitute speed for control. From the open corners beside his thumb, Bachira's mouth let out a whine of protest.

Alright, Isagi thought. Speed it is.

He took a sharp inhale, and in one motion, pulled his leg out and slid the pillow under Bachira's head. His eyes creased, shutting tighter, his brows furrowing. But then he settled just as fast. Isagi's heart was racing, like he had just finished his first successful open heart surgery. It took him longer than he cared to admit to catch his breath. Once he did, he decided it was time to get the hell out of there.

Time for some dinner. Some water. Some time spent with other people that didn't make him feel like every step was a shaky one. Yeah, he decided. That would do him a world of good.