Elastic Love

5

Catherine slid into the rusty cherry colored booth where Damien and two plastic menus were waiting for her. Catherine didn't particularly like Denny's, she had a cousin who had worked in one in Maryland who had told her of a single instance in which she saw a roach in the kitchen and that was enough to keep Catherine out of every Denny's she had ever seen for years. Tonight, she didn't have enough energy to care and she just prayed to God quickly as she was driving there, through the still heavy pouring rain, that this might be the one exception in which there were no roaches in this Denny's. Just for tonight, God, please. She reluctantly set her elbows on the wooden table and rested her face in the palm of her hands, facing Damien. "Be Here to Love Me" by Norah Jones played softly across the speakers.

"I need to know why you left," Catherine said.

"I'm here to reap what I sow. You were everything I ever could've asked for. I loved you but I was afraid that I loved the way you loved me more," Damien said leaning forward on his forearms.

"Ouch, okay, and did you?" she asked, scrunching up her eyebrows and pulling her arms into her lap as she leaned back into the booth.

"No, of course not. I came to realize that I loved you for you, but I felt guilty for the lack of love I was giving you," he said and followed it by rubbing the scruff above his lips and on his chin in a downward, sweeping motion.

"That's interesting," she said, fidgeting with the two thin gold rings she had on her right thumb under the table.

"Catherine, you deserved so much more...My mental health was still crumbling despite your love. I was often depressed and couldn't shake it or explain it," he said.

"You're right, I did deserve so much more. It was so easy for you to walk out of my life like my thoughts and feelings weren't even a consideration for you." Catherine said, leaning back into the vinyl booth. "In a relationship you work through things together and that leaves me wondering, did we even have one?"

"Of course we had a relationship! And of course I considered your thoughts and feelings, I just wasn't equipped to deal with them. I didn't understand my discontent and then I blamed you for it, for suffocating me." He interlaced his fingers and bounced his right leg under the table.

"So you're saying all of our problems weren't caused by me showing you too much affection and smothering you?" Catherine tilted her head to the right.

A blonde waitress in all black walked up to greet them at their table, at which point Catherine noticed how incredibly short she now appeared up close at about only, maybe, five feet tall. "Hi, I'm Sharon and I'm gonna be takin' care of y'all. Can I start y'all off with some drinks?" Sharon asked in a surprisingly upbeat tone for 2:30AM, smothered in a deep southern accent.

"Yes please, I'm going to need a coffee and some water please," Catherine said politely despite Sharon's poor timing.

"Sure thing sweetie, and for you sir?" Sharon asked.

Damien stopped bouncing his leg under the table. "I'll do the same, thank you," he said with a small, closed-lip smile.

"Are y'all ready to order or do you need some time to look on over the menu?" Sharon asked, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her apron, almost as if she wanted to be ready to whip out her notebook.

"I think we'll need a while, thank you," Catherine said.

"Okie dokie, I'll be right back with those for y'all," Sharon said with a bright smile before leaving. With the wrinkles that crinkled around her eyes and mouth and the now sagging looseness in her skin she looked to be in her mid to late sixties, and Catherine felt bad to have an older woman waiting on her when she should be fast asleep and already retired.

"Exactly. I was the problem, not the way you loved me. I'm sorry I said you were 'smothering' too. Our arguments may have seemed resolved to you, and I could see you were right back to being happy afterwards, but I wasn't."

"You're making it sound like you made the responsible choice, but it was careless in the fact that you made the decision for the both of us." Catherine looked up to the ceiling tiles briefly.

"I can see that now. I went to therapy and spent time alone. As much as you probably don't want to hear it, I also practiced in other relationships while I was gone," he said.

Sharon approached their table with her tray of beverages and a side of better timing. "Here are those coffees and waters for you," she said as she placed their drinks down slowly. "I'll give y'all some time to figure out what you want and then check back up in a bit."

Catherine and Damien thanked Sharon and as she turned to leave Catherine didn't hesitate to respond to Damien. "Well, I'm happy for you. I truly am, that's great to hear. But why two whole fucking years?" By this time, it was only luck that Sharon wasn't still nearby to overhear Catherine since she was a speed-walker, even for her age. "Why come back now? What are you hoping for exactly?"

"I understand you're mad at me and I can't possibly presume to know what you're going through. But please hear me when I say I left not knowing how long I would be gone or if I would even come back-"

"Oh, that's comforting," Catherine said.

"No, listen. Catherine, please," Damien said. "I left in a cowardly way. At first I did want to come back to you and fix things, but I felt defeated before I even tried." He massaged his forehead and temples.

"That makes sense, I guess." Catherine looked down at her coffee and resolved to stir in three tiny containers of hazelnut coffee-mate creamer and two Sweet'N Low packets.

"With some time, I began to move on because I figured there would be no way in hell that you would take me back," he said.

"Yeah, me too," Catherine said before wrapping both her hands around her beige mug and sipping her coffee in-between blowing on the surface to cool it down.

Damien whipped his head up to look at her,but Catherine's head was still bowed. "I didn't exactly have a plan; I just took everything day by day."

"Mmm."

"After two years you're still the only person I want to be with. If you decide you can't or don't want to be with me then I would still want to be a part of your life, even if we're just friends." They both sat there in heavy silence, unmoving for a long moment.

Sharon strode over. "Heyyy...have y'all decided on anything?" she asked, already pulling out her notebook and pen.

"Um, yeah. Let's order Damien, you ready?" Catherine asked as she glanced at the menu in front of her for the first time.

"Yeah, but you first," Damien said, looking down at his menu.

Catherine scanned the photos of breakfast meals before ordering one of the largest options with two pancakes, hash browns, two slices of bacon, two sausage links, toast, and eggs. "Okay, um, hmm let's see...Can I please have your Lumberjack Slam? With the eggs scrambled?" She looked up from her menu at Sharon.

"Of course, darling! My, you must be hungry!" Sharon said, making Catherine feel as though Sharon was her own grandma and deeply concerned with immediately supplying her with a surplus of southern cooking to fill her empty stomach.

"Famished, actually," Catherine said with a smirk.

"Oh, good lord, we'll have to fix that immediately!" Sharon replied with even more energy than Catherine could fathom. "And what can we whip up for you, sugar?" Sharon asked Damien.

"I'll have what she's having," he said. A small smile graced Catherine's lips in recognition of his reference to her favorite movie.

"Well heck, that sure makes it easy! I'll go put those orders in right now," Sharon said before taking long bouncy strides towards the computer on the opposite side of the diner.

"Thank you," Catherine said quietly, more to Damien than Sharon, as her chest felt heavy with a weight only she could recognize.