I never thought I would turn into the person who hates school this much. I wouldn't have thought I would count the days till school is over. I guess I wouldn't have thought I would be suicidal either though but I should know people change, all of my so-called friends have. If I had been told last year that I would be a cutter I would not have believed you. It confuses me how only last year I had never even considered cutting and now I can't even remember the last time I was truly happy and not just smiling.
"Lo!" my friend shouts to me, trying to get me back to reality. "You alright? You've been out of it quite a lot recently," I doubt she's actually concerned, just acting like it, just like everyone always does.
Like usual I lie, saying "Yeah I'm fine Su, just tired," so either she believes it or can't be bothered caring for me as she doesn't question it any further. I don't see why I thought she would this time, I should know by now she doesn't.
Thank god it's last lesson I can't hold back the tears for much longer, a few more of those dumb comments and I will probably end up losing it. I don't know hoe I even get through the day with all the remarks made to me. I give up counting how many times I've heard the words 'whore', 'fat', 'whale', 'slut', 'bitch'. I don't know why I let it affect me so much now, I always used to be able to ignore it so I don't know what's changed. It's as if I'm the only one who can hear it, who am I kidding? I know they hear; they just don't want to help me. I can't exactly blame them, they hear me ranting enough about every other shit thing happening.
As soon as I get home I go upstairs so my parents don't see the tears in my eyes and I make it to my bed so I can bury my face into the pillows so nobody hears my sobbing and questions it. As soon as I calm down I go to my drawer where I keep all of my blades and pick one of them out. I carve over the scar of the word hell on my arm and watch it bleed. I was 7 days clean, all that effort to try not to cut has been ruined, all because he called me a cow, I think to myself how I let one person have so much control over my life? Out of all people it had to be him, that just makes it so much worse.
Alessio, even his name is gorgeous. That should mean nothing though, he is a horrible person but I still managed to fall for him, he's not even the main person that all the girls go for and he is still so horrible to me. Why can't I forget about him? Everything I think of reminds me of him.
So about him... He has dirty blonde hair that's just looks perfect despite how messy it is. His eyes catch the light amazingly as they glisten the brightest shade of blue. Ahhh his style, smart but casual. His smile will brighten up anyones day as he shows his bright perfect teeth. He will wear printed shirts or polos with a denim or leather jacket. He will wear fitted trousers or jeans that make his legs and arse look just right.
Almost forgot his personality. He is just so smart and geeky, in like a cute way and he is obsessed with Harry Potter. He is so funny when he makes his stupid remarks. He's can be so caring but then there's emphasis on the can, he can also be a complete dick, especially to me, sometimes I feel like it's only to me but somehow I still like him.
That night I went to sleep thinking about him which led to the most perfect dream...
We were in school and we had English so I was walking there as none of my friends were in the top set and someone wrapped their arms around me from behind. It was Alessio. He whispered in my ear the words 'I love you, do you want me as much as i want you?' I freaked and after I had calmed down I said I did. We walked into English together and we realised we had been partnered up to work together for our speaking assessment. We had to put a twist on our favourite Shakespeare play, we did Romeo and Juliet. I never found out what we got on that because this stupid thing called reality kicked in as my alarm went off to remind me I still had to go to this hell people called school.
