A Little Patience

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Eilis thought she was seeing things at first—another symptom of her mental break? But he came right up to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "Eilis." He whispered her name. In an instant, she completely dissolved, holding on to him for dear life.

"I can't do this, I can't do this," she sobbed over and over.

He folded her into his lap, holding her close as she fell apart. He rocked her back and forth like a small child; she felt his lips on her head, his hand rubbing her back. "I'm here," he whispered quietly.

Everyone got up quietly and left Erik and Eilis alone in the house.

"I hate that I am pulling you away from your work," Eilis managed to say through sobs and hiccups.

"You think I like being away from you for so long," Erik murmured into her hair. "Why do you think I came back so quickly?"

Eilis turned away, looking for a handkerchief. Erik handed her one. She nodded her thanks, blowing her nose. She laid her head back on his chest.

"What can't you do," Erik asked quietly, pain in his voice. Eilis winced, knowing what he was thinking.

"Any of it," Eilis whispered, feeling ashamed of her weakness. "I feel like I am wrecking everything I touch. Every time I try to make things better, I am making them worse. I try to defend myself against the Shah, he sends someone to attack me. You leave me alone for three days—three days—and I end up a fugitive in a country where we could both be exterminated for daring to have a relationship the monarchy doesn't approve of. And I make fugitives out of four innocent people. We find this place to hide out in, but it is wholly insufficient. Everyone is working so hard, breaking their backs, and what do I do? I seek help from someone who has the potential to bring our safe haven down around our ears. And this baby. What sort of life does this little life have to look forward to living out here in the middle of nowhere? I've just been trying to roll with whatever comes, I haven't stopped to think of the consequences of my actions. I feel like I have ruined everything."

Erik was silent for a long time, listening to her list of grievances. "You have not ruined anything. You haven't ruined me," he whispered to her. "Before you came into my life, I had cut myself off from humanity; every time I had ventured too close to mankind, hoping for just a small touch of kindness, my hand would be slapped away. So, I learned not to ask for mercy, or justice, or even common decency from the rest of this species we call homo sapiens."

He lifted her chin, making her look at him. "And then I met you. And I began to hope that maybe—just maybe, there was redemption for me after all. You sat with me in the dark, looking up at the stars, accepting me for all that I was, never shrinking away. You are my best friend, my lover, the mother of my child. You have made me whole. Do not doubt your ability to heal others, Eilis. I am forever in your debt for doing what no one, not even I thought possible, and making me the man I have always longed to be." He kissed her forehead, her nose, finally her lips.

"This baby." His hand reached under her shirt, curving around her belly. His thumb rubbed soothing circles over her skin. "Our baby," he whispered. "I promise you, Eilis. He or she will have a better life than either of us had. It does not matter whether we stay here in the mountains, or if we move to Paris—I have not forgotten about our previous discussions—he or she will want for nothing.

"And do not allow other people's fears get to you," Erik told her firmly. "You and I both know Nadir well enough to know that he means what he says. If he says he will help with the construction and attend our wedding without a hidden agenda, then that is exactly what he means. He may be a nervy, uptight, sometimes neurotic man who thinks too much, but he has never given me or you any reason to doubt his word, even when his word is something we don't want to hear."

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