Nostalgia in my bedroom
I just wanna feel the wind in my ears. I wanna
feel the cold sting on my cheeks again.
I wanna feel july in its fullest without
having to double check the date you died. I
wanna avoid anniversaries. I wanna feel sun on
my skin and drink the rain that invites its way
into my days. I want to fall asleep at night when
the sky gets dark.
I wanna savor my food and watch cartoons and
wrap myself in clean blankets. I wanna finish
books in one sitting, i wanna fall asleep on the
car ride home under the city lights. I want my
mom to comb my hair with her fingers when I
cry, I wanna feel tucked in again.
I wanna know what it means to live without the
weight of grief in you, without the scarred over
wounds and the fear that they'll reopen.
Maybe i wanna know what being ignorant felt
like again. Maybe i wanna experience it for the
first time, because i never really felt like a kid.
Why wasnt i allowed to live like my life didn't
have to have some grand purpose. Why was i
blamed for the loss of my own joy?
