Poly

Poly (1-3)

Society always criticizes polygamy – not because they want to be morally just, but because they are selfish people who want to be someone’s sole love. People criticize others until they feel the frustration of choosing – being torn between two or maybe more than two people. How can someone possibly choose between people whom they love? 

I, honestly, have always admitted that I’ve had a problem with commitment. The idea of being tied to one person put a stunt to everything for me. I’ve always had that notion in me, but I never experienced the feeling of choosing… not even the feeling of love. I watch those heart throbs; I read about the heart throbs. I know what I am supposed to feel, but it’s not there. Whatever I do feel, it is completely artificial. 

With that said, the last five years have been just an explosion of firsts for me. You like to think that, if you are confronted with a situation, you will react a certain way. I faced the truth in those five years – I reacted much more cowardly, sometimes much more bravely, than I would have believed. Just recalling everything, makes me think “Was that really me?” I can’t believe my stupidity, my wisdom. Those five years felt, not like a dream, not like a nightmare… it felt like someone else’s life entirely. Guilty as I should have been for robbing such an exhilarating life, I was gracious. The five years that lead up to today were beyond… everything.

He and I exchanged glances, and then waved. We were always friendly. He dated my friend once. We had similar classes and clubs and ran into each other more than I would have liked. It was this setup that probably put me into trouble – a sort of peril as I was about to violate one of the females’ sacred rules. While feelings for him were accepted, anything more would be disgraceful. Although his ex wasn’t particularly a close friend of mine, just the association to her made it so that I could never even hope to imagine something between us. But, fantasies drove my life. 

He was two years older than me. You see, mature guys were always more of my taste. The year before he got together with my friend, he and I shared a class. I can’t say that we were close. I can’t even say that we were “friends”. All I was aware of, was that his presence, although sometimes forgettable, was interesting. 

Isabel, the girl, was always vibrant, whereas I was the recluse. Isabel never minded talking to him; she never minded making a fool of herself to make him smile. It wasn’t that she was flirting, or even that she was romantically interested… Isabel was just like that. He probably enjoyed her company, being on the shy and less talkative side. I didn’t realize it until later, but I was jealous. Opposites attract, but I was just as shy as he was. It didn’t matter how much we had in common if we never spoke to each other.

So this is where my story begins. Isabel confronted me.

“Lenny… can I ask you for advice?” Isabel, as friendly as she was, seemed to be intimidated.

As I’ve said before, I had never experienced the so-called “love”, but people – both males and females – would come up to me, asking for advice, despite my intimidation.

“This guy asked me out… and then another guy asked me out.” Isabel, ever so popular.

“Alright? And the problem is…? You can’t choose or something?” I somewhat hated when people would beat around the bush.

Fiddling her slender fingers, Belle shared her dilemma, “One of the guys asked me out two weeks ago. The thing is, he wanted to give me time, but I wanted to reject him right away… The other guy… I think I like him. I… said yes right away.” I couldn’t see the problem yet.

“How do I tell that to the other guy? He’s like… a friend.” Ah, it came to me at that moment – the number one advice I had to give was how to reject someone. Something about me probably let others assume that I was a pro at rejection.