Poly

Poly (4-5)

Mira was even more disappointed in me. To her, I was always the one who held all the morals. Imagine disappointing your number one fan by being a hypocrite. She was still my best friend, I was still her best friend, but our relationship was pretty much scarred then. The both of us always hated whores and hypocrites, and now I was both. I expected more from Zayne, but he didn’t even realize that everything that what was happening was just hell for me. I mean, a freeing hell between Mira and me, but hell regardless. The stupid guy was in his own world, but I can’t exactly blame him. He had a pretty big world.

“Not talking to Mira anymore?” he would ask, so casually that it hurt. Zayne’s ignorance was just so hateable.

Despite my resolution to not answer the question, I did, “Uh, yeah. We kind of had a fight.”

The rest of the conversation, I don’t remember. I don’t remember, but I do remember me walking away in a fiery. Maybe it was something I said that hit me, maybe it was something Zayne said that hit me… maybe something just hit me.

The very worst confrontation I had to experience after getting together with Zayne was the one with Jay. The thing is, Jay, even after a week, hadn’t heard of the news. For an entire week, Jay talked to me as if everything was normal, as if I was still single and interested. Don’t misunderstand, I WAS still interested, but I couldn’t be. Again, the guilt was no joke. I didn’t want to break more news. But maybe if I was the one who broke the news, it wouldn’t have meant anything… after all, I was never completely sure of Jay’s feelings. (Okay, I admit I did want some steamy jealous guys at my feet, but shush.)

“Hey beautiful, wanna hang out today?” I smiled, but it slipped when everything I had to do rushed to me.

I rejected the friendly action. I wanted to say yes, but there’s always that line to draw, and I always found myself nearly falling over that line. Jay was on the other side of that line, and I just… I would have done almost anything to be with me. But the problem was Zayne, and the problem was… would Jay even want a wreck like me? To tell you the truth, I didn’t think of the situation as a complete loss. It gave me the excuse not to follow up with my feelings, not to face a possible ridiculing moment if Jay had rejected me.

“That guy… was definitely interested in you.” That was not the perfect time for someone to come up to me and say that. It was the new girl. She… I don’t even know. Despite her looks (very very short), she had this huge personality that dragged everyone towards her. And I mean dragged, not pulled, not seduced, not charmed.

“No. But, thanks?” I couldn’t allow myself to even consider that situation.

“Sonata, since I don’t think you knew my name.” It was that moment where I think I decided that I would like this girl. It was true that I didn’t remember her name at the time, because she just didn’t seem like the kind of person I hang around. The fact that she understood that, put her into the category of people that I like.

“Oh, I’m …”

“Lenny, Lenora, Len.” Should that have made me feel bad? Was I insensitive? Yes, but Sonata’s light tone made us laugh it off.

Even with this absurd situation, I managed to make a friend. She was strangely pushy about Jay, but it kind of flattered me. After talking to Sonata, she just made me want Jay so much more. Was that stupid?

“Zayne, let’s break up.” It was the end of the year. We went out, for what? 4 months? Oh, but don’t let this fool you.

“No. Why would we? We’re doing fine, right?”

At the beginning of our relationship, I thought that Zayne and I would just be quiet. I thought that he was a calm person, and that we would just… be okay with everything. Honestly, I thought that, because of our nature, there would be no excuse for breaking up, which is why I was so doomed for months. But, we did fight, a lot. Zayne was graduating, and his clingy side was extremely obvious now. Because I hadn’t really decided yet what I wanted to pursue, he wanted me to follow him, saying that it was the best for me. I wasn’t stupid, I’m not stupid. I ended up graduating top of my class – high school and university. It was outraging that Zayne would look down on me, thinking that I was some pathetic and dependent girlfriend. Bringing up this point, it seems even more stupid to wonder why we didn’t break up sooner. We had plenty of reasons to break up.