ART OF LETTING GO

FIRSTstep

CHAPTERONE : PIECE OF HISTORY

Flashback

          “Listen, I’ve got to break up with you.” I said as I focused on the road beneath me. I refused to make eye contact because I don’t have enough courage not to cry.

          “W-why?” He stuttered. I can feel my eyes swelling up. His voice was full of pain and hatred. It was our first anniversary.

          “I don’t want to burden you.” I answered.

          “Burden me?” He asked.

          “My parents are sending me to Europe.” I started. “I’m going to live there for a couple of years. They wanted me to learn more about fashion designing.” I added. The truth is being one of the most prominent fashion designer is one of my parent’s dream. They own a fashion magazine that runs across Asia and they wanted me to inherit it someday.

          “Can’t we handle a long distance relationship?” He asked.

          “I don’t want a long distance relationship.” I started.

          “You just don’t trust me enough.” He interfered.

          “It’s not that. It’s just that I don’t want you to miss the opportunity to love someone else. To love another girl more than you love me. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to be the reason why you’ll regret being with me in the first place.” I sobbed. He started wiping my tears off my cheeks. “Don’t.” I stopped him. He’s making it harder for me to leave.

          “I’ll wait for you.” He smiled.

          “You don’t have to.” I said. As much as I want him to wait for me. I need to think about his happiness. I want him to be happy for the next two years. I don’t want him to space out every now and then just because I’m not beside him.

          “Why not?” He mumbled. His smile fading into a frown. I can see tears forming in his eyes.

          “As much as I wanted you to wait for me. I can’t.” I said. “I can’t promise anything right now. I don’t know what awaits me once I stepped into Europe. I want you to be happy.”

          “Do you really expect me to be happy when you are not beside me?” His voice shook with anger.

          “You did before.”

          “That was before I even met you!”

          “One day, you’ll thank me.” I said and started walking away.

          “Please. Don’t” He murmured as he wrapped his arms around me. I can his tears behind me and its making me cry more. I wanted to hug him and tell him that I love him but I can’t.

          “I need to.” I said as I took him arms off me and ran back home. If we’re really meant to be, Faith would find a way.

End Of Flashback

          “Just getting used to waking up every day…Not seeing your face...I just began to stop setting your place...And I stop longing for your warm embrace…And it was God that made me able...To finally sleep at night...” I rubbed my eyes and looked at my phone, half-awake. The contact is not registered but it’s a number I know whole-heartedly. My eyes started swelling up. I rejected the call and turned my phone off. I stared at the wall in front of me, I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep again. I put on my fluffy slippers and went down the stairs. No one is awake yet. Well, I wasn’t surprised at all. I’m currently in a boarding school and everyone was out late last night, so I don’t expect them to wake up this early. It’s only six o’clock for Pete’s sake. I walked to the kitchen and switched on the coffee maker. I waited for it to finish grinding the cocoa and put the coffee in a mug.

          I went back up and wandered to the glass window. Rain was pouring down gently through the glass. I sighed and my breath formed a damp circle on the glass. My fingers reached for it and wrote his name. I frowned and crossed it out as tears of yesterday fell down my cheeks. The cold droplets caused my whole body to shiver. Why am I crying over him? He wasn’t really worth it. Wait. Let me rephrase it. I convinced myself he wasn’t worth it even though he totally was. I still can’t forget the memories that left my heart broken. Those endless hugs and countless kisses that kept me awake all throughout the night. Those sweet conversations kept me holding on. Those kept me thinking every minute of the day. All those memories that once made me happy, now give me nothing but frustration and sadness. I don’t understand why I feel this way. I still can’t forget him. Those eyes that made my heart beat fluctuate. That smile across your face that made it so hard for me to breathe. However hard I try to forget him, he always finds a way to cross my mind. He was my first love. My first true love. I know I was too young to know what love is but that’s how it felt like.

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FirstStep : If its meant to be, FATE would find a way. Keep telling yourself that phrase and later on you'll learn to accept it. Keep believing that its all part of God's plan. If he comes back, he is the one for you. If he doesn't he wasn't worth your tears.