Enid, Wednesday & Eugene: *screaming*
Thing: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Wednesday?!
Enid: Wait, why are you asking Wednesday when Eugene and I are also here?
Thing: Because Wednesday wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.
*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Thing: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Eugene: No, Thing. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Thing: No, that's not part of it—
Eugene: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Wednesday: I would want to live with no legs.
Eugene: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Wednesday. You don't do anything.
Thing: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. *Eugene pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
Eugene: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Enid: How's that gonna help you?
Eugene: I will divide and then count to it.
Enid: Right.
Thing: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Eugene: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Xavier: What do you want then?
Yoko: Er... something work-related.
Xavier: What department is this?
Yoko: Sorry?
Xavier: Well, if it's work-related you'd obviously know what department this is. What department is this?
Yoko: *looks at Enid and Wednesday* Some sort of homosexual department?
Thing: What if people had food names and food had people names?
Enid: Hey, spaghetti, we're having Thing for dinner.
Eugene: What is wrong with you people?
Wednesday: Shut up, chocolate.
Enid: Which country has the most birds?
Enid: Portu-geese!
Wednesday: That's a language.
Enid: Portu-gull?
Wednesday: Good recovery.
Enid: I think you mean good re-dovery.
Eugene: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?
*The gang when they drop food on the floor*
Ajax: Aw man. *Throws it away*
Wednesday: Five-second rule...
Enid: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor*
Eugene: *Sobs on the floor*
Bianca: Wednesday, we're hungry!
Enid: Wednesday! What's for dinner?
Eugene: We're hungry, Wednesday!
Wednesday, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Wednesday: Christmas is cancelled.
Enid: You can't cancel a holiday.
Wednesday: Keep it up, Enid, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Enid: What does that mean?
Wednesday: Thing, take New Year's away from Enid.
Enid: *tapping fingers on table*
Thing: *taps fingers back furiously*
Eugene: ...What's going on?
Wednesday: Morse code. They're talking.
Thing: -.-- ..- .-. / - .... . / -.-. ..- - . ... -
Enid: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Eugene, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Enid, pulling out an Uno card: +4.
Thing, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!
Wednesday, trembling: What are we playing?!
Enid: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have smaller bodies to bottle up all their emotions.
Thing: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
Yoko: Wasps?
Ajax: Terriers?
Enid: Wednesday.
Thing: ARE YOU-
Enid: Fu**ing.
Thing: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Enid: Fu**ing.
Thing: IDIOT!
Wednesday: ...What was that?
Enid: Eugene banned Thing from swearing, so I'm helping them out.
Eugene: Why are Wednesday and Enid sitting with their backs to each other?
Yoko: They had a fight.
Eugene: Then why are they holding hands?
Yoko: They get sad when they fight.
Eugene: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.
Thing: Weight loss? Drink water.
Enid: Clear skin? Drink water.
Wednesday: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.
Thing: We need to distract these guys.
Wednesday: Leave it to me.
Wednesday: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Enid & Bianca: *immediately begin arguing*
Yoko: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Yoko: Violently practices.
Thing: Violently studies.
Enid: Violently sleeps.
Eugene: Violently shoots pictures.
Enid: Violently boxes.
Wednesday: Violently murders people.
Yoko: Violently worries about the previous statement.
Yoko: *dies*
Wednesday: Timer starts now! When are they coming back? I say two months!
Bianca: Bull. One month.
Thing: Nah, half a month.
Enid, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOKO JUST DIED!
Eugene, scratching chin in thought: One week.
