Warnings: Food consumption, forced eating
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You look at the plate infront of you, your appetite long gone by now. The feeling of guilt mixed with the food in your mouth is nothing but disgusting, nevertheless, you use your tongue to push the mush down your throat to force yourself to swallow. Keeping in the urge to hurl up the rest of your dinner, your eyes close and your chest moves in tune to your ragged breath. You don't often have to force yourself to eat, but it's torture everytime you get that feeling.
It's too late to get a glass of water to wash down the food, everyone else had finished eating and you're the last one at the table. Masking your pain, you smile and stab into some of the remaining food, bringing it to your lips as you nod along to the conversation. You don't even know what they are talking about, but it doesn't really matter. Hyperfocasing on the feeling of mush in your mouth as you chew is hard enough.
The next few bites get hader and harder as the plate grows emptier and emptier until finally, the last bit of food is on your fork as you force it into your mouth. Your hands subtly shake and your stomach feels empty, but disgustingly full and clammy. There is a pause in your chewing, feeling eyes looking at you, you raise your vision from your plate to the person next to you. The look at you expectantly. They want an answer.
You try not to flinch as you feel the mush slide down your throat and take a few moments to prepare an answer.
"Hm? I'm sorry, I wasn't focused." Your voice sounds strange as it passes from your lips. A scowl forms from the person next to you. They then start complaining about you never listening and that you need to get your head out of the clouds. Though, they didn't phrase it that nicely. Knowing that you can't take anything right now, you nod and agree with the other person. This is the easy way out, you know it, but you have no energy to do anything else.
It takes awhile for you to complete your after-dinner chores. By then, you are mentally exhausted. Usually, you wash dishes with music playing from your headphones, but you had them taken away a month ago. You don't have the courage to ask them back, so you are left to your thoughts as your hands busy themselves with the rhythmic pattern of washing, drying, and putting away each dish. You enjoy yourself most of the time, but your head decided to become foggy and your stomach still feels muggy. Even so, one thought remains in your head.
I never want to eat ever again.
