His and Her Romance Failures

One

Truth be told, I wasn't that best as much. Truth be told, I don't even know what I'm the best at. But I did know one thing, and that was that I wear my heart on my face. I lack a lot of facial emotional control. Some day's I'm oblivious to certain things. I like to think that it's because I don't like to infer something and be wrong about it. I rather you spell it out for me clearly with all the small details before I decide to "show my own cards" if you will.

Am I a little jaded? Sure, sure why not. Maybe a little bit like an agate stone. Or, maybe I'm not that pretty. Actually, I'm sure that I am not that pretty if at all. This all sounds so self loathing. I won't deny that it is partially, but don't worry there is an endgame to it all.

There's something, I'm definitely not good at. It's relationships. GRANTED - I've never had one, but I already know it's not my forte. It just has never really worked out for me. Friends tell me it's not my fault, and these guys don't know what they're missing out on. Honestly, what friend (real friends and not real friends alike) wouldn't say that. I just can't help but feel like it's my fault, there's something I'm missing, I'm lacking that edge, that special thing that makes someone want to stay with you or whatever it is people do. It is my fault, I fear intimacy on certain levels. What is the point of me opening myself up to someone and showing them some of the most important things to me that make me who I am for them just to leave and act like whatever it was never happened?

Maybe, I've read to much stories with some sort of romantic or sad plot line. I'm too involved with Sci-Fi and history. I like folklore and myths maybe a little more than what is recommended for ones sanity. I read and quote too much Shakespeare and Star Trek that it really annoys people who I talk to often even if they won't admit it.

I'm way too unpredictable in the way I'm predictable. Sure, they know I'm going to leave and disappear that is inevitable of course. The real question is where and when am I going? Will they see me ever again? I'm way too dramatic of course. I'll always have to come back like that old legend rolling back to town with the sunset behind me. Then when I walk into a place where all the people I used to hang around are and the room gets quiet, I imagine it would be cool to have a fedora on with it tipped low so you can only see the shadow on my face as I tilt it up and have a look on my face of that screams "I've been to majestic places and done many things" and then the room goes quiet and I simply have a lopsided confident smirk on my face that I learned how to perfect on my travels.

Again, I'm way too dramatic. That'll never happen but it sounds pretty cool. I'm not even that confident to even go through with it. Instead I'll just play it over and over in my head smiling to myself like "Yeah that would be so cool and amazing." as I experience all my adventures from that scenario in a daydream as my bus ride home.

I'm dramatic and terribly corny in romance. It's probably because I read too many books where everything is dreamy. Of course, I'm not talking some dramatic 'I'll die without you". No that's just - well I can't take it seriously. I'm talking those long talks and endless conversations with someone you're sort of afraid to tell you might just be in love with them. I'm talking the one's where it's less physical (of course I imagine that's lovely too) but more of an emotional level.

I imagine love being like binaries ; double stars which are when the 2 stars orbiting around their common center of mass and each other in a perpetual celestial waltz. I imagine it like these stars, bright and beautiful, some unknown ongoing mystery that makes it all the more intriguing, and unpredictable. My own definition of love scares me, and this is why it's my fault.

But, alas, I'm just terribly dramatic.

- The Anastasia of the 2014/2015 Era