Merlot's Eyes

Chapter Ten

There was a sort of harshness to dreaming. Most people couldn't tell a delusion from a dream. Stuck for hours on end in an endless story of your life or someone else's. Dreams had a cruel way of knocking on the backdoor of our consciousness, inviting the nagging thoughts and demons out to play whilst we slumber. For years since leaving Calanthe, I'd had countless nightmares and terrors of my days with Uncle Azzaro. I felt it all: every hand on my body, every honey-coated lie trickled into my ear. My body couldn't tell the difference until I awoke, covered in sweat and eyes bleak with tears.
Dren's arms were tightly bound around me when I woke, panting and seething. A dream. That was all it was. No need to be afraid. Because I knew where I was and who I was with. This was reality. Not some dense brain fog pulling on my heartstrings for a reaction.
It was dark in the room, still. Moonlight shined brightly through the thin gossamer curtains, casting a warm, yet cool glow across the spacious room.
My chest heaved as I clawed at the king's arms, feeling like his large body was swallowing me whole. Down, down, down into a pit of serpents. I fought for a breath but my mouth was full of cotton. Scratchy and dry, it cut the insides of my mouth like daggers until it was sinfully soaked in a blood blacker than the dead of night.
"Merlot!"
I gasped. Opened my eyes.
It was just another dream. And fuck me for not realizing it sooner. I looked over to the left and saw King Dren sitting upright in bed, his skin shiny with sweat. Had he removed his clothes when I'd fallen asleep? I also noticed he'd shifted back into a nymph, small and feeble next to his human form.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, balling my fists into my eyes to stop the stream of hot tears that spilt. "I have these horrid dreams... They turn into fits at night. I should have taken into consideration your sleepiness as well, Your High—"
Dren pulled me into his chest, his thin arms rather strong for their size.
He held me as I broke. As the walls of my mind shattered onto the floor. Glass pieces spiking through both of us; scars reopening to leave trails of crimson-hot trauma, only ever to be picked back up again slowly and carefully, lest you cut yourself. Why did His Highness hold me? What did he see in me to think I was worthy enough to achieve an embrace from him? I wanted out. I pushed against him, sobbing through my teeth, my head throbbing warmly. But he held firm. His arms tightened softly, his hands weaving through my hair to push my face into the crook of his shoulder.
"You're safe," he whispered to me, his lips brushing against my ear, causing a cascade of molten butterflies to run through my veins. "You're safe here."
He was correct. I was safe. Now I only needed to convince my body of it. Yet, somehow, in his arms, it realized that. I relaxed—stopped crying, closed my eyes. Warmth spread around me against the chill of the night. Dren rocked slowly back and forth, humming softly to me. It was a beautiful tune; low dips and high octaves, hummed beautifully by a talented voice.
"Give me everything you can't carry on your own, Merlot," he said softly. "Let me be your lambency. Give yourself over to me. Allow me to take care of you as you do me. We can fight through this war together."
"I can't," I breathed, happy it was dark so he couldn't see the redness of my face, "I've never loved someone before... I was hurt too many times. My body doesn't remember how to feel safe."
"Love didn't hurt you, Merlot. Someone who didn't know how to love hurt you."
"And you can love me?" I looked up at him, right where the moonlight caught those golden eyes.
"I can." He looked down at me. "Let me love you a million times over. Let our love for each other be the sigil of a victorious battle. Please, Merlot. I can't get you off my mind; I yearn to protect you and care for you... I need you to let me or I'll go crazy. When someone else looks at you or touches you, my heart feels jealous. I'll be driven to madness if I cannot have you."
I pulled away from him and sat up, pulling the comforters to my chest to cover myself even though I was clothed. "You've only just met me..." I said, cocking my head. "Do you always fall in love with girls you've just met?"
"I feel like I've known you lifetimes over..." Dren sighed. "I understand if you don't feel the same. I'm still going to give everything I have for you—including a place in my home."
"We have a war to stop, Dren."
"And we will put an end to it." He took my hand. "You're right. Though it is difficult, I will placate my heart. Would you like to spend more time with me after we settle things?"
I nodded. "Yes, Your Highness."
Dren snarled. "Say that once more and I will—" He stopped himself. Sighed. "Gods, Merlot. You don't know how hard it is to be around you."
Chuckling, I laid back down with my back to the king. "I gander as much," I said and closed my eyes, ready to sleep again, now with my heart doing backflips inside my chest.
Dren's arms banded around me once again and I felt secure. Safe.
I drifted off to slumber again with a smile on my face.

—

Conleth was unmoving and stubborn. I had half the mind to pummel his face to dust with my bare hands. Dawn had us all reconvened in the same room we met in the previous day. Tiredness was heavy in everyone's eyes yet we were all hyper and alert, eager to see the outcome of the meeting. Yet King Conleth hadn't listened to a word I had said yesterday. He said my words came in one ear and spilt out the other in less than a second. When I asked him if it was because I was a mortal, he simply looked me up and down and smirked. Child's face or not, I ached to punch him.
My chest was still warm from last night and I noticed that Dren hadn't moved away from me since coming to the meeting room. Had he expected Conleth to get physical with me? Was something else brewing that I was unaware of? My heartbeat quickened and I was afraid he could hear. King Dren was in nymph form, shedding all signs of his human shape. Perhaps I was right in speculating that Samsara's necromancy only worked for so long.
"I believe we're done here," Conleth muttered, jumping from the couch he sat on. "Whether you all plan to aid me with this battle or not, it will continue. May the Threefold daemons have mercy on your fucking souls."
"Conleth, wait!" Momi shouted at the younglings back. "You can't leave. We need to settle this!"
"Momi, leave it," said Dren, holding up his hand. "He's made up his mind. It's up to us to warn our people."
"I can't believe this is happening," I breathed, feeling like curling into a ball and hiding. The thought of war scared me to death. Where would I be? What would happen to Korath and Iakkethis? Surely Köd Kunta would not keep themselves in the bounds of Calanthe. Knowing they were vicious, they would spread to the other kingdoms whether they were helping with this war or not.
"Calm down," Dren whispered. "We'll get through this."
"I urge you to go back to your lands," Queen Nokomis said stiffly. "I have plans to attend to. Do send me a raven when you get your soldiers and Sentinels sorted."
"What about the Sentinels that came by yesterday?" I asked the queen. "Are you not arranging for them to stop Conleth before he can go too far?"
"An assassination on King Conleth would spark a war inside the Threefold Kingdoms," explained Momi. "Even if it would be less devastating than a war with the shadowland, it would be hard to achieve. We have no idea who is next in line for rule in Calanthe. And Conleth being a hidden god, I wouldn't know what to assassinate him with. Surely a simple dagger couldn't slay a god." She sighed. "Be off with you two. Protect your people. Warn them. Plan. May the daemons help us."