Points of View

How I Met My Soul Mate (or so I thought)

So there's this guy. (Of course! What else!?)

I met him when I was quite young and impressionable. He seemed like a serious person. Someone who has the depth of character that I had been looking for. We have had a few similarities like in our sense of music, how we viewed our families, how we had dreamed for the future. So on and so forth.

I thought of him as my soul mate. And in all honesty, I had believed him to be such.

So how did I come to that conclusion? As I've said, I was young and impressionable at that time and I believed that if I loved somebody so much, then that person is indeed my soul mate. Everything "clicked" between us. Everything felt just right.

The thing is, we had an unlabeled relationship. Yes, yikes! That relationship you may call "switch." You know, as in you turn it on or off to whatever way it suits you. No labels, no audience, no nothing. You're more like special friends, but only the two of you know that there is something special.

And since I did love him, it went on for years. Not that everyone knew. In fact, some would have an inkling about it but, as with writing, I'd just shrug it off.

The crazy thing was, I had expected our relationship to flourish. And in so many stages, it did and did not flourish. Ah. I'm contradicting myself again. So allow me to explain.

At first, the relationship was all mushy and cheesy - at least between the two of us. And then, it became physical. Then something happens, like he'd have found someone new and I'd retaliate by finding someone else. And then, suddenly, we both become free of those other "ties that bind" and we'd be back into each others arms...

It was a damn vicious cycle. Truly, it was.

And I found myself thinking that maybe, I'm not worthy of his love because he can't give me all of himself. Maybe, there's still something I could do to make it work. Maybe, it's all just a trial of some sort that I'd have to pass.

But slowly, oh-so-slowly, I was coming to realize that maybe he isn't the one. That maybe, he was never to be mine. Even if he was assuring me the whole time that he had changed and all that stuff. Even if he was making more effort into our relationship. I suppose that it was inevitable. I mean, a few months, maybe, I could still believe that there was a "forever" for the two of us. But the cycle went on for years. Years, I tell you!

So yes, I have met my soul mate. And we had a few years of togetherness (and un-togetherness, if there is such a word). And if you'd ask me, sure, I still think about him sometimes. But, having met your soul mate does not give you a guarantee of having a life with him. Meeting the soul mate and spending the rest of your life with him is not a done deal. Some are lucky to have met their soul mate and be with them for the rest of their life. But I believe I'm luckier because I have met my soul mate but recognized (and accepted) early on that we'll never have a life together. And that has made me who I am today - wiser, better and with a deeper appreciation of life's twists and turns.