Middle Class Love #Wattys2015

Failure and Dissatisfaction

It was quite a busy day. I had three meetings to attend. It was 3 PM by the time I returned to my desk for lunch. I was terribly hungry and dizzy as I crashed onto the chair. I lost all grip as the lunch box opened, spilling some of the white sauce from the pasta. I didn't care.

All I needed was some food. So I hastily bid goodbye to manners and gorged on the pasta like a caveman. Five minutes later , I could feel life return to me. Pulling out a wet tissue from my laptop bag, I wiped my face and closed my eyes, allowing the perfumed wetness cool my dry face. It was thoughtful of Nikki to keep it in.

I was still hungry. Thankfully, there was a container of chocolate chip cookies by my desk. It was something that Nikki brought back from her trip to Malaysia. That woman is just wonderful!

My boss then appeared by my desk. I hastily wiped off the sauce from the table using the soiled wet tissue. He looked dismayed. I offered him some cookies. He smiled and picked one. "C'mon bro, its free!" I told him. Vishnusharman Ananthakrishnan, that was what his name was, laughed innocently and grabbed a few more. He sat on the chair beside my desk and looked at the screen thoughtfully.

"The Pulitzer announcement is out." I looked at his pale face. "Did we win?". He looked at me, his eyebrows falling "No dude.". We were quiet for a while. "It was the work of a lifetime, man" he continued " It bloody cost you your life as well. And all of us hoped you'd win."

I was quiet. My father's voice rang in my ears "Sometimes, you will see rejection looking you in the eyes. If you can look success in the eye without crying or turning away, treat rejection the same way."Something inside of me sank. It was not a simple project that I had lost out on. It was a series of articles that were written in the blood and sorrow of many people. How could they reject it? Vish sat quietly, his hand was on my shoulder. "Its okay man." I assured him. My conscience told me that it was not. Vish was one to detect lies easily "Dude, go home." he prompted. I frowned and he just nodded. "In times like this, you'd better take a day off and relax. If you stay here, you can't work in peace. If you stay alone at home, you'll commit suicide." He laughed as he spoke out the last bit. I smiled. He punched me on the shoulder and said "Chalo. Take rest. Eat some chocolate and watch football. Man U is playing.' I obeyed his advice and headed for home.

I turned on the TV, the match played on. My mind just refused to focus. Sleep was the last thing on my mind. Like a depressed adolescent I curled up on the sofa, under the warmth of the quilt. The lights were dim. Commentary from the match served as a fitting background for my dilemma. Several voices played in my head. Hope and dejection locked horns. The battle went nowhere. The hours passed. The battle still raged within my head. There was no sign of anyone winning. I closed my eyes but found no rest. My mind was trapping me. This never-ending twister was taking me up, knocking me out of my senses and twirling me in the pace and direction of the quickening winds. What was happening to me? I never hungered or thirsted. One more moment of this and I would be reduced to an insane beast. I wanted it to stop. The trauma was too much to bear.

The door opened after a few hours. Nikki came inside holding a huge shopping bag. She froze on seeing the TV switched on and my crumpled form lying on the sofa. She dropped her bag, locked the door and came running to me quickly.. "Rosh, are you having a relapse?". She put her hands on my cheeks and looked at me, worried. The tears flowed. She was quick to embrace me. I held on to her for support. I felt weak. All that anger, pain and denial burst into a shower of incessant tears. I was happy my woman wasn't judging me for crying. She whispered me name and patted my back as I cried. It took us a lot of time to recover, she from the shock and I from the agony. She held on to me even as the tears stopped. Leaning backwards, she asked me what went wrong. "I lost" was all I could say.

Her eyes watered a little. This time, I pressed her to my chest.

A little while later she spoke to me.

'Rosh, have you eaten?"

"No. I wasn't hungry"

"Hey, don't punish your stomach because fate was an idiot"

No response from me

"Hey" she walked over to me. She held my face in her hands and said "Look at me". I obeyed.

"You cannot always win. I know about the effort and the fact that you staked your life for this but did you bother reading the work of the winner?"

"No."

"Read It" she insisted "You'll understand why they won. They might have done something much better than you did."

I nodded.

"But there is one more thing you must always remember, Rosh"

I held her hand in mine and smiled at her "What's that ,Nikki?"

"Don't let a prize determine your worth."

She kissed me on both my cheeks and rubbed her nose against mine.

"I don't like my Sexy Boy looking sad. Don't waste your tears on a prize"

I pulled her onto my lap. She giggled. 'What's in that shopping bag?" I asked her

"Brownie batter, croissants and triple chocolate donuts."

"You got promoted???" I asked her

"Yes. As Creative Director."

This made my day. I lifted her gently and set her on the ground. We did a funny dance.

"I'm feeling hungry" I whined.

"Lets put the batter in the oven okay!!" she said, thrilled.

"Donuts for Dinner!!" I chimed.

Oh, what a day! What a day!

This woman was the best person who even happened to me..she's not a thing. Forgive the grammatical inaccuracy. I thanked God for her.