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Napahinto ako sa pag sasagot ng assignment ko nang marinig ko ang pagkabasag ng pinggan sa may kusina, ngumiti ako nang lumapit si ate sa akin at ngumiti.
"Bi? Pasok ka muna sa kwarto. Do you want to watch winx club?" Tanong niya, Napalingon ako sa kanila mama na nasa kusina.
"Is mama and papa fighting again ate?" I asked, she only smiled at me and guided me to my room.
My sister turned the tv on and held my hand as we watch my favorite cartoon, I starred at my sister as she keeps looking at the door-- we could hear my parents fighting outside. At a young age I already know that my family is not that perfect, my parents would always quarrel and bicker with each other. I don't really understand if it's because they love each other or they hate each other. All I know is that we still live in the same house.
"Hana, Come down here and hold Alice hand, I will go check on mom." My sister said, she was talking to my other sister who was at the top bed of the double deck.
My sister Hana immediately went down from the double deck bed and opened her palms, our elder sister immediately hands me over to her and smiled.
"I will check muna kila papa, okay Alice?" I gave her a slow nod and smiled.
I looked at ate Hana as her grip started to get tighter as sister Ai closed the door. My mind suddenly wondered, what is going on out there? Why is my sister tensed?
"Ate?" I called for ate Hana, she immediately looked at me and raised a brow.
Honestly ate Hana is my least favorite sister, she is grumpy and mad but playful at the same time whereas ate Alaia is nice, sweet and caring. But somehow today as I felt ate Hana's grip and see her teary eye, I feel bad. And I don't even know why.
"Let's follow ate Ai outside, I am worried too." I saw the hesitation in my sisters eyes but her curiosity was much more larger than worry, so we followed ate Ai outside.
We hid behind the counter as I saw my mother argue with my father. Mama was near the stove holding a spatula while papa was seating near the table, I saw my mom's tears as she pointed the spatula at my dad. I immediately held my sisters hands and mama talked.
"Fabian, bistado kana..." My mom was breathing heavily as she said those words.
"Out of all the people," I heared my mom sob as she rest on the counter table, like she was asking for support from it because any time soon she will fall down.
"Why would you sleep with my best friend?" I heared ate Hana gasped and covered her mouth.
I only looked at her with confusion. What did it mean? Why is my ate surprised? Best friend? Tita Carmen?
"Sinira mo ang pamilya natin dahil d'yan sa libog mo." My mom said whispering and used her hands to cover her face like she didn't want my dad to see that she was crying, she turned her back on my dad as she continues to express her disappointment.
"Alice is still six for pete's sake, si Hana 13, si Alaia 14. Ano 'yan bibigyan mo ang mga bata ng hindi kompletong pamilya?" Dinig na dinig ko ang pag iyak nang mama ko habang patuloy na nag inaayos ang sarili niya.
"Dahil sa ano? dahil sa libog mo." My father was silent the whole time, na para bang wala siyang masabi.
"Kulang..." I heard my mom's voice break.
"Kulang ba ako? Hindi kaba kuntento sa akin?" Na rinig ko ang kalampag ng upuan nang tumayo si papa at niyakap ang mama ko.
"Hindi Amalia, hindi ka kulang."
Kumalas si mama sa yakap ni papa saka tinignan si papa na para bang may sinabi si papa na hindi makatotohanan. She smiled and wiped her tears saka huminga nang malalim.
"Kung hindi ako kulang.." She closed her eyes and more tears fell.
"bakit ka nag hanap ng iba...." that came out like a whisper, I almost didn't hear it.
Napasabunot si papa sa buhok niya saka hinawakan ang kamay ni mama na para bang humihingi nang tawad.
"Nadala lang ako mahal, siya 'yong naunang nang akit sa akin."
My mom covered her mouth as her face crumpled like she was hurt. She gave a nod and caressed my fathers face, she looked so hurt as she starred at my father. I never saw how my father reacted, I only know that he held her hand and kissed it.
"Kung mahal mo talaga ako kahit anong akit ang gagawin niya hindi ka madadala Fabian." uling bulong ni mama, habang nakatingin sa mukha ni papa.
Hindi normal na tingin kundi tingin na para bang 'di maka paniwala na iyon ang lalaking minahal niya, na para bang hindi siya naniniwala na nagawa iyon nang lalaking minahal at pinagkatiwalaan niya. My mom composed herself and stared at my father.
"Mamili ka Fabian," Malumanay na sabi niya.
"Ako o si Carmen?" Huminga nang malalim si papa.
"Wag mo namang gawin sa akin 'to Amalia."
"Bakit? Kasi pipiliin mo siya."
Natigilan si papa sa sinaabi ni mama, tinignan ni papa si mama bago siya sumagot.
"Pipiliin ko siya." Papa whispered.
Nang marinig iyon ni mama ay agad na tumango siya at ngumiti, sa tingin ko ay alam na ni mama ang sagot sa tanong niya. Gusto lamang niyang marinig ang mga salita sa bibig ni papa.
"Let's have an annulment Fabian."
"Okay." My father said and quickly entered the masters bedroom.
Sa oras na iyon ay narinig ko ang hagulgol ni mama habang napaupo siya sa sahig. It was the first time that I saw my mom cry like this, she never cried when papa didn't come home on their anniversary kasi may trabaho daw sa companya, ni minsan ay di siya umiyak sa kahit anong disappointment na bigay ni papa, she never cried infront of us--ngayon lang.
Naramdaman ko ka agad ang pag bitaw sa akin ni ate hana at sinundan si papa, habang si ate Ai ay lumapit kay mama na umiiyak. Habang ako, ako ay naka tayo sa gitna ng bahay. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin, kung pupuntahan ko ba si papa o si mama na umiiyak.
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Napakamot ako ng noo nang maalala ang hindi kanais nais na pangyayari sa buhay ko, ang simula nang pagkasira ng pamilya ko. Nakakainis naman kasi ang lesson sa Philosophy, bakit may gano'n gano'n edi na ungkat tuloy ang ala-ala na di ko nais maalala.
As of today, I am living with my mom together with my sisters. Papa sustains us pero wala na siya sa bahay, he is currently living with Tita Carmen, although it is weird to call my dad's mistress as tita, nakasanayan ko na. Tita Carmen was my mom's best friend from college so basically she was there when my sister were born and when I was born, she was like a second mother to me, pero di ko naman inakala na gagawin niya talaga iyong second mother.
I am currently 18 years old and I still don't have a boyfriend ever since. I feel like they would just cheat on me and leave me alone for someone. I hated how my father never even fought for my mother, when my mom asked for annulment he only said okay. Okay what? Gano'n gano'n nalang? Di man lang niya sinabi na ayaw niya na mawalay sa mama ko. Gano'n niya kadaling itinapon ang mga taon na pinagsamahan nila ni mama para sa ibang babae. What my father did really gave a big impact on my views about love.
Because maybe if love can lie my dad won't leave us for someone.
If love can lie then maybe I can have the perfect family.
If love lied back then... then maybe my dad still loves my mom.
I hate love for being true, for being so honest that we--the person who experience it cannot lie, and somehow because of love we become blind to the point where we hurt others.
I don't want to blame my dad for loving Tita Carmen and so I will blame it on love, because love make us tell the truth even if it hurts so bad.
