The return of Eddie Munson love

The whole dang thing!

THE RETUEN OF EDDUE MUNSON

Warning!!!!
If you find poop, vomit and other bodily functions disturbing you may want to put this book away. Reader discretion is advised.
Rated R
This story contains:
Poop, pee, farts, vomit, explosions, murder, canablisim, hershey kiss poop guns, theft, death, and more.
Read at your own risk.

Pretend she is he, I forgot who I was writing about
Also, pretend Dustin isn't a bird lollollol!!!

Dustin was driving to the car wash with Eddie unconscious on the hood of the neon pink jeep. When Dustin got to the old car wash, it was all rusty and falling apart it also smelt like scorched rotten fish. Dustin drove up to the entrance and stopped the car. The guy working the car wash looked about 583 years old. It seemed like he was decomposing before he was even dead yet. Dustin rode in style as the car got soaked in brown water and baby poop scented soap. The horrific smell caused Eddie's nose to disintegrate. He woke up from her coma and back into horrible pain, she couldn't remember anything. It was worse than getting run over by a car that was going 536 mph being driven by a psycho bird.
Eddie looked up into the jeep window and saw a weird bird sitting in the driver's seat eating blue play doh ice cream with human fingernails as sprinkles. Eddie tilted her head up just in time for yellow soap to go straight into her eyes, Eddie's eyes went red with pain. Meanwhile, Dustin was inspecting a blob of brown stuff on the floor.
"Hmmm, what is this? It's a little stinky... eleven's mikey must have had an accident."
He scooped it up with a plastic spoon that was broke in half and threw it out the window. It landed on Eddie's head and her hair started to disintegrate. The poop must have been radioactive. Man, eleven's mikey has an issue, maybe she should ditch him. Dustin thought over and over again. Before the poop could disintegrate all over Eddie's hair, a giant scrubby thing wiped it off. Finally, Dustin got to the end of the car wash and huge rusty hair dryers blew Eddie through the windshield. Dustin got squished by Eddie's fat butt. In a few minutes Dustin finally squeezed out from under Eddie. He took one look at her and fainted from disgust. She kinda looked like the dude that was in charge of the car wash but without a nose, a bald spot and a bit more decomposed. Eddie slapped Dustin so hard that Dustin woke up immediately and puked all over Eddie. Dustin could barely recognize Eddie, but she smelled the same as when he first met her, did she ever shower? When they got out of the car wash they sat in the parking lot for a while contemplating life.
"Who am I...?" Eddie questioned to himself
"Ummm... a murderer, cannibal, and psychopath?" Dustin blurted out with confusion.
"Psychopath!!???! You're the one who ran into me...I think... Did you..?"
"Uhhh... no, no, no, that was Johnny Depp, I just stole his jeep, I'm innocent, I swear...BUT I did find you unconscious on MY jeep."
"How are you innocent, you committed a crime? And what are you? Some sort of chicken? I'll pay you fifty dollars to shut up."
"I'll take the fifty, but my mouth is gorgeous," Dustin said hopefully.
"I hate you" Just then Eddie saw a deer start to pee down the road, then his memories came back. The horror in his eyes was unbearable.
"Where Lucas ?!?!?" He asked Dustin in fear
"Who??"
"My murder partner!!! And currently my bff."
"OHHHHHHH!! It ran into a pole and died."
"WHAT!?"
"He. Is. Dead.......... Well I think."
"We have to find him, NOW!!!"
But before Dustin could start driving to where Lucas died the car started to blow up. The huge explosion made Dustin and Eddie fly straight into Eddie's yard!!! They landed on the pavement. Dustin decided to tell Eddie about the dead body he found in the flamingo shaped bush by her house.
"Soooo, did you kill the person in the bush?" Dustin asked suspiciously.
"I might have... What did they look like?"
"A little on the bloody side and marks that look like he was beaten to death by a loaf of freshly baked white bread"
"Not what the wound marks look like, the body. Like, hair color and stuff."
"NEON GREEN HAIR THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HADN'T BEEN WASHED IN YEARS AND DARK RED EYEBALLS!!!!!"
"Oh...My..GOSH"
"So you DID kill him," Dustin finally said.
"NO! HE'S MY HUSBAND!!!😭"
"I thought you ate him."
"That was the old guy that I married for money, the one in the bush is my favorite husband."
"How many husbands have you had again?"
"I don't know, like five maybe....or six"
There was dead silence and then a sparkly teal truck pulled up and parked across the road and the really old guy that worked at the carwash rolled out of the car in his wheelchair. Sadly, one of the wheels on the chair got caught on a rock and the whole thing tipped over. The guy was so old he could barely blink without his eyeballs almost falling out so he decided it would be best to just accept his fate. Eddie and Dustin looked at each other with that look and both ran over to the car. They got to the car but unfortunately the door was locked.
"Let's smash a window!" Eddie said with an evil smile.
"I was thinking the same thing," Dustin added, smiling.
The old guy just sat on the ground being crushed by his wheelchair watching a weird looking chicken and crazy person steal his car.
Eddie walked around looking for something to smash the window with. Then she saw how easy it would be to throw Dustin through the window, and grinned. Eddie picked up Dustin by the leg and spun him around, then she threw him through the car window. He bounced off the window and into the cold dark road.
"Awww drat I thought that would work" Eddie groaned
Dustin gave her the death stare, So Eddie went to find a rock. While she was looking for a rock Eddie found a beautiful crunchy cold finger laying on the ground. Perfect. She brought the finger to Dustin.
"Hey I found us a snack...or we can use it to pick lock the door," Eddie told him.
"Well......I've never eaten a human before...but I think we should use it to unlock the door."
"Your loss." Eddie then took a tiny bite off the end and stuck it in the key hole. The door immediately fell off its hinges. Dustin stood there shocked. Eddie looked into the eyes of Dustin to make him uncomfortable and then walked over and grabbed his head. She held him up to her mouth and LICKED him.
"Mmmm Dustin flavor" 
She then threw Dustin into the back seat. He landed on the seat with SPLAT and left a wet spot from the lime green slobber on his scalp. Eddie started the car by shoving the half eaten finger into the key slot. There was a very awkward silence as Eddie was driving down in the ditch, but then Eddie made it even more awkward when she asked for Dustin's leg to nibble on. He politely refused as he crossed his dainty, pale legs. Even though Dustin declined, Eddie did not like the answer so she grabbed him and  plucked his toenail out leaving blood pouring out of his toe. Eddie just chewed on the dirty nail like it was gum. As Eddie tried to stay on the road while she drove, Dustin looked down at his bloody toe and gasped in horror.
"I'm gonna die...... why would you do that?" Dustin said in disgust.
"I don't care, this is delicious! I might come back there for seconds." Eddie said, rubbing her stomach.
"You don't even wanna know how many types of poop I have stepped in." Dustin started naming off random animals Eddie had never even heard of.
"We got, kiwi, dog, horse, Mufasa's mystery poo, and even more." Dustin said with a smirk and then winked in Eddie's direction. Eddie sat there with pure disgust on her face.
"Oh and the colors...don't even get me started on the colors...green...pink..yellow...indigo...I don't even know if that was poop."
"Did you taste them?" Eddie asked, wanting to know what flavors they were. Dustin glared at Eddie with wide eyes.
"I've only tasted one, and that was when I tripped and fell into a giant glob of green Mufasa's mystery poo, it tasted kind of good actually, I think it was watermelon flavored with a little bit of strawberry."
"That explains the taste, do you have any on you?"
"Most of it is in between my toes or under my eyelids".
It was silent in the car as Eddie continued to drive in the ditch. Eddie quickly snached a toenail while Dustin wasn't looking. Dustin would have never found out if it wasn't for Eddie chewing up a storm.
"This is better than gum, you should sell these online, you'd make so much money." Eddie said hoping that Dustin would start to sell them so she could buy them and enjoy the sweet sweet taste.
Before Dustin could reply they saw something up ahead in the middle of the road. Eddie swerved over there hoping to hit the deer she thought she saw. But then Dustin realized that it was not in fact a deer, but eleven and her mikey making out in the street.
"Stop the car that's eleven!" Dustin screamed out in fear. But it was too late, eleven and her mikey were squashed into pancakes. Eddie went out of the car licking her lips ready to see if they were edible. Eddie took a little nibble out of eleven's toe and said,
"Hmm...Needs some seasoning...Dustin WE ARE GOING TO THAT OLD JUNKY GAS STATION I SAW DOWN THE STREET"
"But we don't have money....." Dustin replied already knowing what Eddie is going to say.
"Yeah, but we got pockets..." Eddie said with a smirk.
"Oh yea." Dustin said, cracking his toes, like humans crack their knuckles. Eddie grabbed the kissing couple and threw them in the back of the truck, they landed with a THUMP. Eddie got back into the truck and attempted to stay out of the ditch when she drove but failed. When Eddie got to the gas station she drove straight into the building. They climbed out of the truck acting like they were cowboys.
"Howdy partner," Dustin said, then Eddie threatened to take another toenail. Shivers went down Dustin's spine.
They walked into the gas station with their pockets ready. When they walked in they saw one clerk here, one clerk there, and in the middle of them was...THE CASH REGISTER. There was candy all around, it was like a toddlers dream. But they were here for more than diabetes. Dustin decided to ask one of the clerks where the seasoning was, while Eddie walked around looking for more things to "borrow". Eddie thought of some ways to get the clerks to leave, so she decided to tell them she had a gun. But before she could speak Dustin burst out in a british accent,
"Umm, excuse where in your seasoning?" The accent was so bad Eddie puked up the chewed toenails, and the vomit splattered across the floor. The clerks ran out screaming
"MUTANT CHICKEN!!!"
"Well that was easy." Eddie said wiping the vomit off her chest with a yellow unicorn stuffed animal she found.
<-- It looked like this
"My little pony skinny and bony..." Eddie sang quietly, as she searched for garlic powder. Meanwhile, Dustin was stuffing milky ways into a plastic walmart bag he found on the side of the road. Then he made his way to the cash register. Dustin got all excited, but opened it and there was no more smile on his face. In the register was a few stray pennies
"Pennies are sooo 1900's" he said disappointed. Then he checked the accounts to see how many people actually bought stuff here.
"Wow, only two people have been here since the 1400's...and they were the employees..."
"Well more goodies for us" Eddie screamed, rubbing her hands together, almost starting a fire. Then she froliced around, looking like she just ate a little something out the toilet with all the chocolate on her face. Eddie still hadn't found the garlic powder so she just gave up and decided to cover eleven and mikey with spit-covered milky way to make them a dessert. She decided to name her delicious creation, The milky kiss©. Eddie sliced a piece with a broken, vomit covered butter knife that she found in a milky way that was obviously tampered with. (Probably Dustin)
She sliced it like a cake  and offered Dustin a slice. He once again, politely declined and crossed his dainty pale legs. She grabbed some and shoved it down his throat. Dustin started to violently choke, THIS IS THE END Dustin thought, but just then Eddie decided to save Dustin for the delicious toenails, she grabbed Dustin and started to do the heimlich maneuver,
"It's ok.....poop it out...or puke.....just not on me" But Eddie was doing it too high up so instead of the dessert flying out of his mouth it came out from down below. Eddie felt a soft whew and her leg got warm and then came a horrible smell,
"OH...MY...GOSH." Eddie said sounding like she was about to murder someone, (Which she probably was) she picked Dustin up and threw him across the road. Little hershey kisses shaped poop were falling as he flew. Eddie looked down and saw 7 mini hershey kiss poops on her big fat leg.
So that's where Hershey kisses come from! Eddie thought. Just then there were flashing red and blue lights and loud sirens coming from down the road. Dustin was still on the other side of the road pooping, he was sitting on a LARGE pile of poopy kisses and it continued to grow bigger by the second.
"They're coming for us! We should have never invented hershey poops! Dustin! Stop pooping and get over here!!!! we got to go kick butt" Eddie screamed.
"Who's butt?" Dustin said as he came over, still pooping.
"Well first yours..I told you to stop pooping!" Eddie slapped him on the behind and then yanked her hand back. Her hand was covered in chocolate scented, not brown, but GREEN gooey poop. It started dripping down her arm. Eddie felt like she was about to projectile vomit EVERYWHERE. She turned around so she could wipe off the poop in the grass but right behind her she saw seven police officers. She screamed,
"Dustin pooooooop now!!!" Eddie grabbed Dustin and started to squeeze him, facing his butt towards the police officers. Little pebbles of poop started to fly out.
"BIGGER" Eddie yelled.
"I'M ALL OUT OF POOP JUICE!!!!" Dustin screamed. Eddie shoved a slice of The Milky Kiss down his throat again. He started to violently diarrhea all over the officers faces.
One by one, officers started to fall, but before the last one could die he screamed into his radio,
"HELP, I'VE GOT A WEIRD CHICKEN THING SHOOTING POOP PELLETS AT ME! ALL THE OTHER OFFICERS ARE DOWN, I NEED BACKUP IMMEDIATELY!"
"WE GOTTA GO Dustin!" Eddie grabbed Dustin by the head feathers and jumped into the truck.
"Wait!" Eddie got back out and grabbed The Milky Kiss to snack on during the drive. Eddie sped down the street as what looked like Eddie00 police cars followed close behind. Eddie finished eating every last bit of The Milky Kiss and it looked like she was about to explode. They stopped on the side of a green bridge
"Dustin...YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS CAR..."
"Right now?"
"RIGHT NOW....OTHERWISE YOU WILL DIE"
"But-"
Eddie grabbed Dustin's leg and tossed him out of the window, Eddie then threw a cinder block after him. The cinder block crushed Dustin and he sank to the very bottom of a river  and then he fell off the edge of a waterfall.
"Phew... Dustin is safe now." Eddie said not knowing that he just drowned in the deep dark pits of a river. PHHFFET 
"Oh my, that is stinky." Eddie said rolling the poop splattered window down for some fresh air. Eddie started to have huge farts that made her levitate in her seat. Then a big one came... Eddie flew out of the window and up into space never to be seen again...

Epilogue
Eddie's humungo farts took over the world. There was no more earth, just fart planet. Even in France it was covered in green fart. The only place where it was safe was in Eddie's secret bunker that was under her house, Eddie always knew she had dangerous farts and that this would happen one day. The only problem was... Only one human, well I guess I should say fish, Vecna's fish to be exact, was in the bunker. But the radioactive farts made him evolve into something much more powerful... Huish. A hybrid of a human and a fish.
Here is what it looks like...