you can't get by (with a lie)

one

"I'm moving, Rosa. And Benny's leaving with me." It only comes out as a whisper, Benny's tears soaking the shoulders of Rosa's shirt.

"What do you mean, Benny?" She asks, held in his grasp tightly.

"Rosa, I have to go, and my dad- he said that we can't be the Rodriguez family anymore. I- he told me, he said we have to go-"

"Benny, you can't go." Rosa's voice is stern, but it wavers slightly as she realizes that she would be the last original Sandlot kid once Benny left. "Quit that, 'cause it's a fucking lie." She says, and Benny pulls back to look her in the eyes. She can't tell what she sees in his eyes- sadness? Guilt? Maybe it was anguish- but she felt her eyes tear up and she couldn't tell what she saw anymore. She knew she had regrets, not saying everything about what she felt, not opening her mouth, and letting her heart speak instead of her mind. She only lets Benny cry into her shoulder as she cries as well, and tears roll down their faces as they think that this is the last time that they'll sit on his porch together, the last time they'll come back from the Sandlot and talk about the things they need to improve, it's the last time that they will be able to do this.

Of course, that was 3 days ago, and the U-Haul had left his driveway and any hint that Benny once lived there had been erased. She walked through his house, and she finally stumbled upon his room- empty, with no hint of the one time that they slept together in there for a sleepover because Rosa's parents were out of town. Instead, it's just a blank bedroom. It hurts in her heart- it hurts everywhere. She chokes back a sob, and the second she locks the door and runs back to her house, she starts bawling. Rosa holds his key in her hand tightly, and she can see her knuckles turning white. Her mother stands on the driveway, and Rosa can only walk into her embrace.

"I'm sorry, Rosa. I know it hurts."

"It hurts so badly, mom, it hurts so bad, I can't have him leaving-"

"Rosa, I'm sorry. Hey, if I find out his address, the new one- we can go and we can send him a letter. Okay? Hey- listen, how about right now, you go to the Sandlot?"

"No, it's not the same as it used to be now, it isn't the same..."

"It's not going to be the same, honey. But you want to know a secret?"

"What?" Rosa's voice is hoarse, and she takes a deep breath to refocus herself.

"I cried when my crush moved away."

"He was more than a crush, mom. He was my best friend forever."

A letter comes in. On the stamp, it reads "Luis Mendoza, Miami, Florida" and has his address on it. On the front, Rosalie Harper Bryant is stamped across the front along with her address. She wants to question who sent this, and how they knew her full name and address, but when she opens it, she can tell who wrote the letter.

Dear Rosa,

How's it been? I'm sorry I couldn't write sooner. I miss you more than anything- you are the only thing that's been on my mind.

Don't mind the new stamps- Dad said that we're the Mendoza family now. He signed me up for hockey.

I like it- it's fun, but it doesn't compare to baseball. Nothing compares to you, or the Sandlot, or baseball.

Missing you dearly,

Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez

Rosa wants to hang it up on her wall, but all she can do is stand outside, reading the letter again and again. Her heart beats faster, and she smiles."The Jet wrote home." She murmurs, and she walks inside, dumping her backpack by the front door and running up her stairs. The only thing crossing her mind is writing back to the Jet- the only thing that keeps her awake instead of passed out in her room is the thought of writing a letter to him, of writing a letter back. The thought of him smiling when he sees the letter keeps her awake, and it honestly seems to be keeping her sane.

So she does write back.

Dear Benny,

I miss you so much. It's great to see this letter- hell, it's amazing to see it. I needed this.

I've been doing fine. And don't worry- Luis Mendoza has a ring to it. Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez also had a ring to it, but both names suit you.

Try not to kill yourself playing hockey- or others. No swinging those sticks above the waist, no hitting homers.

Missing you even more,

Rosa H. Bryant

And those letters continued, flowing throughout the year. Rosa's favorite letter was about how his team won the Junior Goodwill Games; Team USA. Rosa can't help but marvel over him, and she thinks of him every day. God, crushes are terrible. They won't stop pestering you, but what can Rosa say? She loves Benny more than anything.

And then, when she was 14, just a year and a half after he left, she got her #1 favorite letter. This one, oh- this one topped all of them.

If it involved Benny saying that she should come and visit him, she'd have to come. She'd have to say it was her favorite.

Dear Rosa,

Finally, I get to ask you this.

I asked my father, and since the hockey season is almost starting, I can ask you about this.

Do you want to come and see me? You talk in your letters all the time, you always talk about how you want to see my face. How you'd give up everything to hear my voice.

But you can come and see me- you can hold me, you can see my face, you can hear my voice, you can talk baseball, for fucks sake, we can stay in each other's arms for hours like how we used to after school, you can be within inches of me- you can be right there.

I want you to be right here with me, honestly. I would kill to see your face again. In my life, I have never wanted to see anyone more than I have wanted to see you for the past year.

Wishing I could see you right now,

Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez-Luis Mendoza, # 22

Rosa practically threw the letter at her mother- her mother, the all obliging, loving mother who was there when Benny left, saw that the boy of her past, present and future was asking her to be there.

And her mother, the all obliging, loving mother who saw the pain that ran through her daughter's veins when the boy of her past, present and future left, said yes.