Built on smoke and mirrors

Chapter 17

"Telvi what was that? I wanted a triple not a single," Irena said with a disapproving frown.

I shook my head as I tried to clear it of worry. Eydis hadn't returned since I came back last night. I didn't know if this was normal since she had never left for so long. She felt because of me. But I knew what to say now. There was a growing pit in my stomach as time passed. I was wasting time when I should be telling her how I feel.

I set up for a jump only to make it a single once again. I didn't have it in me to give anymore effort today.

"That's it. Your done. You are clearly distracted and we are both wasting time. Get your damn mind together for tomorrow."

I stopped in mid setup and stared at her for a second before getting off the ice. This allowed me to look around for her but the disappointment on irenas face was enjoy to make my stomach churn.

With quickness, I walked to the seats were my things were and sat down. I couldn't waste any more time. I needed to find her and tell her what was on my mind.

"Telvi!" Ezra's voice rang out as I ripped off one skate.

His voice was like nails to a chalk board and made my arm hairs stand on end. Ezra was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. If it wasn't for that gala, Eydis wouldn't have left.

"Not now Ezra," I said as I took off my other skate.

"This is important though," Ezra said as he placed a small brown box in my lap.

I eyed it with a frown. This didn't look important to me. "What is it?"

"I found the missing letters. Every letter that your brother wrote, they're here."

My eyes widened as I opened the box to see slightly tarnished letters with Kol's neat handwriting on them. "How did you find them?"

He shrugged. "Just asked around. Turns out mail gets lost more often than I realized."

I smiled as I opened the first letter my hands grabbed. My eyes scanned the note about the pink salmon coming up stream and the ice melting. Spring was coming in Hell.

A fresh wave of tears came to my eyes as I thought about the weather getting warmer and the flowers appearing, laying neatly like a blanket over the ground. I never really missed Hell as much as I did now. The Motherwealth may have been exciting but it wasn't home. It never would be.

I tore my eyes from the letter to meet Ezra's. "Thank you, Ezra."

He smirked as blush came to his cheeks. "Don't mention it. From now on, I'll know where to get missing letters and hopefully you won't lose another letter again."

That would be a dream. I placed the lid back on the box and stood up. As much as I wanted to find Eydis, I wanted to read these letters more. I tossed my skate bag over my shoulder then gripped the box with my other hand. "I have to get going."

"Practice ending early today?"

"I didn't realize you knew my schedule."

"Of course I do. I need to know when you're free."

I smiled at the effort he gave. It made my cheeks feel hot. With my belongings in hand, I walked out the door to pour over the letters that were found.

<><><><>

It didn't take me long to get up to the dorm room and make myself comfortable with the box in my lap and a cup of tea in my hands. With the size of the box, I knew I would be up here until the sun went down.

My fingers were nimble as I opened the first letter I found. It had a date of only a few days after I left Hell. It talked about how I was missed already. As I tore through the letters, they slowly turned more into journal entries and less about missing. Kol would make doodles on the page and short stories on the sides. Every letter ended with a promise to write another one as soon as he could.

Soon I reached the end of the box with all the letters opened. All I wanted to do now was write to him. It had been too long and I needed to let him know I was ok, thriving, but missing him and Hell.

I walked over to Eydis' desk and pulled paper out from a drawer along with a pencil. For a second I thought about her. She was still not back and there was a pit in my stomach knowing I should set out to look for her. But writing a letter seemed more important so my attention moved back to that.

As the sun set, my letter turned more into a book with many pages, trying to catch him up on what he had missed over the past few months. Deciding it was good enough, I stood up from my seat and walked out the door, remembering where the mail room was.

"Hey Telvi, where is she?" Odett's voice rang out from behind me as I walked down the hall.

I stopped in mid step as I felt my stomach twist into knots.  Eydis wasn't back yet and now people were noticing. I didn't have the heart to say it was me that forced her to run, but I think Odett already had an idea from her tone.

Odett spun me around to face her. "Walter Telvi, what did you do?"

My mouth was dry as I tried to find the right words to say.

"She told you she loved you, didn't she? It was obvious she did."

I nodded slowly. My mouth felt dry as I tried to force words out.

She threw her hands in the air. "And you don't, do you?"

"That's not it," I sputtered out. My heart raced. I had never loved anyone besides my brother before but that didn't mean I didn't love her. It was just different. It felt different than anything I had felt before. But now that she was gone, it felt like something within me was missing. Was that Love? "It's just... complicated."

Odett curled her hands into fists and before I realized it, one of her fists made contact with my cheek.

I stumbled back as the metalic taste of blood filled my mouth.

Odett threw another punch, this time hitting my stomach, knocking the air out of me.

I doubled over as I struggled to take a deep breath in.

"You chased her away. You didn't deserve her. You never would." With that, Odett walked away, leaving me in the hall to think about her final words.

I leaned against the side of the wall as I regained myself.

The letter in my hand didn't seem so important anymore as Odett's words cut into me. Maybe she was right. She probably was, we both knew it. I didn't deserve her.

I took another breath as I pushed off the wall. There was enough time wasted. I needed to find her.

<><><><><><>

Hours were spent walking the campus, asking people if they had seen her. Eydis was a loud enough personality that most knew her or of her. But the more I asked, the more I realized that people did not know where she was. She was not on campus, that much was sure which only added to my anxiety.

If she wasn't on campus, I didn't know where else she would be. Did she go home early? Did she go somewhere else? And if she did, was it because of me?

All the questions floating around my head made me dizzy. I wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion or if I was over thinking all of this. I hoped the answer for why she was gone was simple. I prayed it was.

For now, I felt like I did as much as I could. I didn't know what time it was, but the campus was nearly dead which meant it had to be late. I would find her, I promised myself that, but for now, I needed to sleep.

With heavy steps, I walked back to the dorm, calling it a night, feeling defeated.