don't over think it. (Masky/Tim x reader) (soulmate AU)

NotChapter

I low-key hate how I write Toby. I like him as a character, and I try to make a more realistic and origin based version of him, and still part of me feels it's inadequate.
Perhaps it's more based on how I write his speech, small details I don't add in as I figure they should be a given. I hate how I write the stuttering because tourettes doesn't just make you stutter, but also he canonically has a slur of other mental illness and speech problems that are what developed the whole stuttering speech patterns, and I even did research and personal experience as a way to effectively write realistic stuttering not just stupid little "w-words l-like this" with the idea that stuttering may or may not be a constant but also stuttering can occur during any point or place in a word, not just that but the fact that stress, fear, or simply an over load of a singular emotion can increase stuttering on words.
I also hate how I lack writing in certain mannerisms because i want to avoid to much detail or focus on one character even though I could simply fill that in by balancing how much detail to mannerisms to put into other characters. Dare I use sweet Toby as an example again, sure I add in the fact that Toby is tweaking out at the worst of times sometimes but I could better detail it, make a better description and image based on the words I use. And it's not just with Toby. It's with everyone. Sure, I could actually put the amount of detail each and every character deserves, but I apparently can't. though I know where my flaws are and what I want to fix.
I also hate how fast and slow my digression into the actual point of the story is. On one hand, soulmate au is great, I love it, I worked around it in an ok fashion, but the idea you immediately admire them is so unrealistic, though sure you can always adore someones physical features, perhaps feeling more comfortable doing so with someone whom you know is your soulmate is realistic, but also I hate it.
And I hate how I wrote in the edgy stupid little "how could they love me when I'm a monster" thing even though people do think with this mindset and the over use of it in fiction has made it repetitive, although people think like this and with situation it's completely reasonable the two of them would see themselves in this light.

I hate how I have no progression into the actual lore, I hate how I've somewhat villainized Alex even though I've also hinted towards the whole slenderverse Fandom and the negative effects Operator takes on its victims.
I hate how much I want to enclude stupid side stories and focus on other characters and grow the stories main ground floor even though from artistic stand point that's the best thing because the world doesn't stop at you, it's a constant.
I hate how How no matter what I could focus purely on the x reader aspect of the story and hate it for being nonexpandent, yet I also hate how I don't want it to grow off the main plot to much. I don't want the story to be lackluster, but I also don't want it to be confusing anymore than it is.

I hate that I'm taking this slow, though skipping time at the same time. I hate how I have made 4 chapters, best of reader, and Tim actual make any form of contact with one another, and yet they both seem to care so damn much about each other.

More so I hate how, despite wanting to make the story less off the whole "Fandom version" of the creepypasta I still stir towards. Perhaps that's because we choose to ignore the fact that realistic, as much as these nonexistent killers have some form of self imagine and interest, they are still Villiers woth crippling mental illness. Though this can also be easily written off as "well we're not a victim, we're a killer just the same," but why would that change them? I wanted to make a more realistic outlook at th)e Fandom but completely ignored the fact that we ourselves ignor the dark ler side of this Fandom because the Fandom brings then comfort and it isn't about how unrealistic it is. Not just that but think of the unrealistic standards it may set for us subconsciously about relationships, and due to us not finding the type of fanfic romance that we read about, it may deter us from genuine love and compassion that we face in real life.

Overall, as much as I hate how I write, I do love you guys and am happy to entertain you guys even if my writing is mediocre and definitely needs to be touched up on.
Love you guys, cya laters.