FLESH & BONES

Prologue

Please lord forgive me for what I'm about to do, I can't even ask for your help anymore cause you abandoned me long ago. What have I ever done to deserve this? I'm so so numb that I can't even feel my fingertips on my skin, my legs, my waist, my hands, and my neck are marked with bloody scars, and every night, every cold little thought crawls into my mind and freezes all my emotions. It's so hard to breathe when all the world around you is suffocating. My lips are dry, tired of screaming anymore, the bags under my eyes, the desperation in the pitch of my voice, it's like the world is on fire and I'm just sitting silently in the center waiting to get burned. Maybe the serenity of nothingness is better than the chaos of everything that shifts around me. All the walls are filled with shadows ready to devour me and I can't even look at the mirror, oh you wouldn't understand how gut-wrenching it is seeing someone you disgust. I feel like I don't want to be here anymore, this whole place is so blue, overwhelming me with rage and shaking, the trembling before sleep wouldn't stop, it felt like a lullaby, like the warm hug of a mother trying to make me fall asleep. I prayed to those lords that don't exist, that they feed with darkness and solitude and you weren't there, even you were afraid to touch those forsaken lands. I thought I could stop this, I thought I would find a secret power to defeat every little soul-burdening emotion and kill it, I wished things were different, I HOPED, Damn I hoped things were different, but they ain't. It's so hard to know you have already lost before you even touch the finish line, but the line for me was drawn in the very beginning, ever since I was born something sinister was attached to my soul. Those dirty hands caressing my hair while I was holding my tears in the back of my pillow still haunt me. "Your body isn't yours, it's just flesh and bones" that's what I was hearing, what I was seeing written on every surface and my mind took some dark turns, I gave in, I didn't even give permission, cause no one asks for permission nowadays it seems, they just say "I'm sorry" and who fucking cares if they are sorry? Don't they know the trauma they induced? My innocence seems like a distant dream and my thirst for blood a never-ending nightmare. I don't want sympathy, I don't want anyone to cry for me, I can do that so much better myself, I'm just asking you Lord one thing, I'm warning you maybe, you better not see this and if you do....forgive me for what you're about to witness.

A small candle was the only source of light in the room, a room full of crosses and religious images. Sara took a deep breath, raised her head, and wiped her already-dried tears before getting up. Her thighs were bruised from the rice she spread to pray, her body was exhausted, and she couldn't even take herself to the hallway but then the voice of her dad created that usual sense of fear in her stomach.

-Sara! Bring me a glass of water!

Sara went to the kitchen on her tiptoes, she wished for a second she was invisible, the noise wasn't an option, she had to be quiet, a little obedient girl that takes orders and is born to be used by others, just like a perfectly orchestrated robot. She took a glass, and filled it with water but left it there on the sink, something caught her attention, something tempting. She took a knife from the drawers and headed emotionless in the direction of her dad, who was sitting pathetically on the couch, with his feet on the table waiting to be served. ''Into the black'' by chromatics was playing in the background, she started massaging his shoulders and his breath was getting deeper and deeper like he was getting turned on by it.

-Good girl, now move your hands slower.

- Of course dad.

She raised her knife and sliced his throat in seconds, he couldn't predict it, it would never pass his mind that his daughter, his sprout that he was molesting since she was 6 years old turned against him and ended his miserable life just so it could match hers. The look in his eyes was so belligerent but also shaken, that pure sense of fear created chemicals of ecstasy in her brain but before she could dig deeper into her thoughts she heard the screams of her mother witnessing that cruel, inhumane act.