metanoia - cedric diggory

chapter ten

December 1st, 1994

Cedric Diggory was walking through the Hufflepuff common room, past everything else, to find himself in the courtyard wandering around, All the other students seemed to be buzzing around and laughing with joy, unlike his usual self.

Usually, Cedric would be talking to whoever and cracking multiple jokes to whoever would listen to him. But nowadays, he found himself wandering alone and pondering alone, knowing he didn't like who had become. 

It was a cliche, it was silly, but he had yet to feel like himself this year. Clementine Rosier had grown to be a part of him, a good part of himself, and without her by his side, he was draining himself.

After he spilled out his guts to Cho Chang and explained how he had been in love with Clementine his entire time without always realizing it, she offered him peace and advice. Girls always know, she told him. They always do.

She told him that him liking Cho Chang mattered to her, she didn't know why but it did. That sentence bothered him every day, wondering why it mattered so much if he liked another girl. 

What if she did know? This entire time, she knew all about his hidden glances and any excuse to place his hand on her. He wanted to believe it, but he had been so sneaky and not obvious whatsoever. 

A few friends of his called out to him, gesturing for him to come to stand with them, but a polite smile and wave seemed to make them forget. He was not sure where he was headed, but he knew he would find it. 

Cho told him to give her the space she needed, to understand her fears and thoughts, and put himself in her shoes. Cedric knew what he had done, everyone knew for the most part, he didn't have to explain.

Cedric lived with the pain every single day, knowing he had accidentally told everyone her big secret and the pain that came after. He hadn't seen the cruel part of the students, calling her names and such, he didn't know they could be so capable of it. 

Time would heal it all, Cho explained. Cedric was tired of waiting and waiting and waiting for Clementine to come around but she just wasn't who she used to be anymore. She was selfish, rude, and didn't know how to control her emotions. He still loved her, though.

On his walk of trying to clear his head, he spotted multiple students whispering about the Yule Ball, giggling about who'd they ask. Cedric had almost forgotten about it, partly choosing not to think of it.

He had laid in bed multiple nights of his fourth and fifth year, wondering what Clementine would look like at some sort of ball. Her long darker hair was done in some sort of way, her body was in a beautifully made dress, the way he'd dance with her in front of everyone and not care.

He dreamed of the way she would smile as he spun her,  the way she'd laugh when he stepped on her toes, and the way he would walk her back to her room after, knowing her cheeks would still be red from the night. Now, he was sure none of that would happen. 

She used to dance around his room, robes flying all around her, to no music. Cedric would hum some sort of classical tune and stand up next to her, prancing around and giggling with her until she was out of breath.

The thought of remembering made him almost physically sick, knowing he may never get that back from her. He rested his body against a cold wall in the shadows, letting out a large sigh to hide the pain he felt.