𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘕𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

☾ 𝕱𝖎𝖛𝖊 ☽

𝙁𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙞𝙣𝙚

I have no idea for how long we've been sitting in this kitchen, but I'm starting to believe it's been longer than thirty minutes because I can't feel my ass anymore. It's uncomfortable; I really want to stand up to relieve some of the numbness, but at the same time, I want to stay put and keep the quiet we've managed to settle for longer than ten minutes.

Shifting on the ground to get into a more comfortable position, Felix flinches and causes me to snap my head in his direction to make sure I didn't injure him somehow from all my movement. I give him a once-over, and that's when I finally notice he's been asleep this entire time. His eyes are puffy and covered in weary as he looks at me, abruptly yawning some of the tiredness out of his system. It almost makes me yawn but I don't, I merely swallow and watch him as he stretches his limbs out; his elbow grazing my cheek and tossing some of my hair around in the process.

"Sorry," he says, before settling back into a relaxed seated position and brushing some of my strands of hair back into place. It's at this moment in time when I realize that I don't deserve him. He's so sweet and attentive, it almost makes me burst into tears. But I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to tell him the truth. I'm going to tell him why I behaved the way I did in the basement.

I'm going to tell him how I truly feel about him.

"Felix," I strain out, keeping my eyes locked on his face. "I need to tell you something."

🌙

"Oh," he says. His lips part as if he's about to express more of his emotions at the moment, but he doesn't say anything. He's quiet, and that scares me. He doesn't even have to say anything for me to know what he's feeling. It's all in those green eyes of his. They are swimming in pain, doubt, and apprehension. I wish I could take that all away. I wish I could own a time machine to get rid of all the mistakes I've done in the past to lead me to this moment. To the moment when possibly Felix drops me as his friend like Adriana did years ago.

I'm waiting. Waiting for that moment to happen. But it never does. And for some reason, that scares me the most. I'm afraid of what he'll do once he gathers all his thoughts and decides what he wants from now on since the secret is out. I'm afraid he's going to hate me forever and never want to see my lying face again. I'm afraid he's going to look up at me at any moment with complete rage in his eyes and do something worse than unfriend me. I'm so so afraid. Afraid of losing him.

The panic is starting to rise in the smallest of beats of my heart. Slowly it begins to accelerate, and as soon as it heightens in speed, I stand up and wobble to the sink. My hands are about to land on the steel but before they can even hover over the structure, Felix has his hands on me and holds me tightly by the arms. Before I can even react, he has me pressed tightly against him, which forces me to push my arms out from between us and wrap them around his waist gingerly.

He's still quiet, but this gesture has somehow relieved some of my nerves and settled them somewhere far away from my heart that is knocking against Felix's; creating a series of beats that cross one another perfectly.

The room used to be chilly because of the fridge being a few centimeters away from us, but now that I'm in Felix's arms, I feel so warm that I may just burst into flames; tears even. It's been a while since I've received a hug as sweet as this one, and it's making a lump form in my throat and slowly make its way up to my tongue, but it stops as soon as Felix pulls away abruptly—never once removing his hands from my arms.

Silently, he regards me for a moment and lets out a sigh he's probably been holding in his throat for a while now. It almost makes me want to let out a breath myself, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll start crying.

Out of the blue, he smiles; showing off his pearly whites before disclosing them again to say, "so, you're the one I kissed, huh?"

Reluctantly, I nod and glance down at the floor before meeting his eyes. This time, they're not clouded with confusion, they're shining, almost as if he's going to cry. The thought alone makes me want to cry, but I keep my composure and swallow thickly before saying, "yes. Unfortunately, yes."

His brow cocks inquisitively but then softens as quickly as it roughened at my expression. "Why do you say that?"

I can't even glance up at him without feeling the urge to wail out dozens of apologies, so I keep my eyes trained on the floor and clip out, "because I'm not the one you like."

It becomes quiet. But this time it's cut short when Felix steps in the arm-length gap between us and crashes his lips with mine like a large tide on the ocean. They sway against mine just as a wave would before receding back into the body of water, but instead of retreating, he pushes against me as if the tide refuses to leave the land. It wants to stay there forever. Leave a mark. Maybe just make a home there even. It doesn't think about the consequences that may result from staying longer than it should have, it just desires to stay a little longer; as if it truly belongs there on land and not back at sea.

And for some unknown reason, I want to cry. But instead of doing what my body has been insisting on doing for a while now, I whine, and that causes more tides to collapse onto the shore. And I think that one single wave may have just convinced the rest to keep me company for a while.

☾ Oooohhhhh ☽