Royal Arrangement

25) NALINI~ A Part of Me

It's strange sometimes to realise that people change; and now that they've changed, you're even more afraid that they'd keep changing. You fear, that they'd go back to the old them. You fear, you'll start liking the current them. You fear, that you will miss the moments you've created. You fear, you will get used to them.

That was exactly what I felt about Kabir. He was becoming a beautiful memory along with his usual asshole-ness. His smiles were too often. His frowns held a deeper meaning now. He had a habit to frown when he was concentrating, when he was thinking, when he was watching a movie, when he looking at me when I talked.

It sometimes made me nervous, his stares. He would stare at me the whole time in the eye when we're talking. It makes me blush. He stared at me when I was doing almost anything. He made me feel like I was the centre of attention in a crowded room. Because his eyes, they sinked deep inside my heart, my mind, my soul.

His stare when I was annoying him. His stare when I was dressing up. I had never felt used to this attention, but It made me feel like I could be loved. His stare when he was about to kiss me. His stare when he is turned on. His stare when he'd pull me in his arms just to stare. It made me feel like I was worth his time. Even if he said he hated me, that hate made me feel more worthy than anything.

Everything about Kabir was becoming better every second I spent with him. He was caring, even if he didn't agree. He would make sure I eat my meals. He made sure on every step outside our rooms to hold my hand. He made sure to not leave me behind. He made sure that I was feeling good. He made sure to ask for my permission every-time before he touched me in public.

Yes, I did tell him I liked it rough. But I don't like roughness, it was his roughness that I liked. The way he'd just roughly pull me in, so that he could wipe my tears. How roughly he'd pin me against the wall, to tell me something that was valid, right. How roughly he had kissed me only to slow down. How roughly he had cared about me. How roughly he would stuff my face with a damned brownie. How roughly he made me eat my proper meals. His roughly was the gentlest rough I had ever expected.

I was beginning to like him a little more than I should have. I loved how Kabir had started opening up, talking about him. Telling me things I had never known.

He was a normal man, a very normal gentleman inside those sturdy metal walls. He was a silent man who was inaudible behind his bold arguments. He was a man who loved love despite his expression of resent. He was a man who was deeper than ocean layer with a shallow soil made of loose rocks. He was a man whose eyes were like chocolate cookies that seemed like burnt pancakes at night. He was a man whose mind stayed in a constant chaos behind the closed doors of calmness. And he was my man, at-least for then.

How could I compare him with my father? He wasn't my father. He could not be my father, even if he tried. He was Kabir, the same Jerk whose hands trembled while undoing the safety pins. I smiled at the memory of the first night. As if I didn't know. His fingers were cold and and his knuckles were bruised when I saw his hand that night. God knows who he had beaten up, probably a wall. But I he helped me despite his hurting hands. That's when I knew, he was deeper than he pretended to be.

I caressed Kabir's hand. I had long lost the movie. Exactly when his hand rested on my thigh. Exactly when his head touched my shoulder. He was breathing very normal. But this wasn't normal. My heart was beating so loud I felt it in my whole body. I was about to shut the laptop.
"I am watching." His voice echoed in the silence and that's when it happened. Something in my chest exploded. I didn't utter a word, my thoughts were chaotic enough. I was afraid to make a sound.

I removed my hands from there. Oh thank god I didn't say anything out loud for him to ear. "Um, Kabir your wife got to get some chocolates." I said and he lifted his head up. He stretched to the side and handed me one from the nightstand.
"You've got to put a stop to this 'your wife' thing. It's getting annoying, sky."