bracelets | ranboo x nb!oc

5

<|> DEI DAYLESFORD <|>

I want to actually throw up.
it's only just hit me that I'm now as single as ever, and it's the worst feeling in the world.

Avery knew about it. She knew Paige wanted to break up. That's what sucks the most; it's the ultimate betrayal.

There's be no more laughter of our trio at lunch as we sat against our lockers while watching the boys make dumb canteen bets, there'll be no more secrets that just Paige and I shared, there's be no more two-player spin the bottle, there's be no more sharing homework answers or working on projects together or throwing rocks at each other or promises of forever. And to be honest, I don't think she even cares.

it just sucks. It sucks so much. I hate breakups, because I only ever went through two prior to now, and they're possibly the worst feeling of impending doom you've ever felt. I'm not one who thinks about their feelings a lot, I usually just ignore them and vent to Paige about it later, but I can't fucking do that, can I?

I feel like I have no one. There's no one I can talk to about this, that's in the room with me, or that I can call with a guarantee that they'll pick up. Because that person is Paige.

I don't know if I'll ever forgive her. I'm probably just angry, and I'll look back at this moment in a few months and go 'Jesus Christ it wasn't that bad' but right now it's horrible.

I just wish I could stop scrolling through old messages, and photos, and Instagram stories, and saved snaps. I wish I could just forget about her completely.

She's asked me to forgive her, and I don't want to, as previously mentioned, because right now I never want to see her face again - nor Avery's.

It's not even a question as to who she'll hang out with at lunch. It's pretty obvious. I'll still have plenty of people to hang out with, but it's not the same. I don't want to hang out with people because I can't hang out with the people I actually like to hang out with (that's a mouthful and a half), because there'll be that grieving feeling. There'll be the yearning to go back and beg for a second chance, even though I don't know what I did wrong; or what she did wrong, or whatever.

I'm about to die while wallowing in self pity when a text pops up and covers the top of my screen, as I'm deleting old pictures of us. my finger taps the banner before I know what I'm doing.

basil
hey, how are you?

thyme
I'm amazing, I'm doing so great rn :)

basil
that sounds convincing
Do you wanna talk about it again or?

my fingers go to respond, but I can't. They just freeze in place as tears well up in my eyes. No, I don't want to talk, I don't want to do anything. I just want to lie down and cry myself to sleep, like the dramatic bitch I am when something remotely gut-wrenching occurs.

basil
I know you saw that
if you don't wanna talk it's fine
I just wanted to make sure you're okay :)

Jesus Christ.

this.. person. I don't even know who they are, not really, I just know our connections, and yet here they are, texting me as the only person actively going out of their way to make sure I'm okay. Which is surprising, because I'm normally a person to hate that kind of attention, but it makes me feel better somehow.