The Tattooed Flower

11. To Tell the Truth

Monday

Caleb-

I don't now when Quinn turned into a temptress. Was it before or after I kissed her? She seemed so innocent and untouchable before, and now, well, she's still untouchable but not in the same way. We're in Vegas now. Quinn is showering. Last night I slept on the floor after our little rendezvous in the pool. I couldn't trust myself to be in the same bed as her without ripping her clothes off and I couldn't get a room with two beds without looking suspicious.

The last time I was in Vegas I won a little money, might have won more if I hadn't kept playing. The money in my wallet is beginning to burn a whole in my pocket now.

I tap the bathroom door. "Quinn, I'm going down to play some slots."

"'Kay." She shouts over the shower.

I glance back at the room, my eyes searching for a key card. Bingo.

I make my way down to the casino start on a machine called Lucky Cards and lose five bucks. Than I sit down to play some Black Jack. The dealer deals out the cards and I examine them.

"Shit..."

*******************************************************************************

Quinn-

"Yeah! Score!" I exclaim after leaving a cops head to pink mist on GTA5. "You'll never take me coppers." I mutter, silently laughing to myself. Caleb chose a ritzy hotel on the Vegas strip, it took less then 10 minutes for room service to provide me with an Xbox and some cheep Chinese food. Of course they did rattle on forever about other food options, the fine cuisine, just downstairs. So now I'm sitting alone in the hotel room waiting for Caleb to come back so that I can beat him at Halo. He's being extra cautious around me and I thought that keeping away from him would be easy. I've spent my whole life keeping away from boys after all. I didn't go to junior prom, even though I was asked. I didn't date, even though this really cute guy in my calculous class asked me out. I kept to myself and only talked to my friends Melanie and Sydney.

And Melanie and I were hardly friends, more so, friendly acquaintances.

I guess I don't really know what real friends are like. I suppose Caleb is my friend. I mean, he has to be, right? But does he even count? Does he even have a choice? And being Caleb's friend just isn't enough for me. I want to be his lover. I want to be, for lack of a better word his "number one".

There isn't a world where I could be satisfied as Caleb's friend. I'm in too deep. And I don't really know what that means except for that if he wasn't allowed to hold my hand or me in general I wouldn't have made it this far or survived this long. I need him. I need him in a physical way. NOT sexual, though that wouldn't hurt, I need reassuring and playful touches and all the times he scares me with an arm thrown around my waist or his lips brushing words against my ear. All things that wouldn't be allowed if we were just friends, we're more than that.

I snipe another cop in the head before they back me into a building and take me out. And all I can think is that, thats not so far away for me. It might just be the only future I get.

"Shit..."

Caleb-

When I get back, the room is dark and I can hear Quinns slow even breathing. I smell white rice and chicken and I shine my phone around to see Chinese takeout boxes. I hear Quinn stir and a lamp clicks on. She stares at me with a groggy expression, her body clad in an oversized Metallica T-shirt I recognize as my own. Her blue and black hair falls around her shoulders in disarray and her green eyes only peek at me through tired lids.

When I look at her I don't see a mirage of purity and shine, that's not who she is. I can see the parts of her that went sour and the parts that are still sweet. I notice the way the corners of her mouth naturally turn down and how she flinches slightly when you touch her. I notice how when she smiles it's hard to look at anything but her, and when she cries it's as if the whole world is about to fall to pieces. When I look at her all I know is that I see her. I really see her.

She holds my stare for a long time before she speaks, "Caleb." She says.

"Yes." I say stepping closer. Sitting at the foot of the bed as I tug my brown loafers off.

"I want to tell you now." I turn to look at her, she looks at me with tears in her eyes and I can see how scared she is. I see the quiet, fearful, young girl that sleeps somewhere inside of her, wake up.

"Okay." I murmur. I tug off my Kakis and unbutton my shirt, leaving only a white T-shirt and my boxers to cover me. I climb into the bed beside her and she breathes out heavily.

"That night you found me... I..." A tear slips down her cheek and she swats it away.

"I killed my father." She looks up to my eyes searching for a reaction.

"He, uh... He'd been beating my mom pretty badly." She pauses "I mean he always did, but it had gotten so much worse..." I grab her hand tightly and she stares at me with burning green eyes.

"I guess I'd just gotten into the habit of carrying a knife..." More tears flow down her porcelain cheeks and I carefully reach up to catch them. Her chin freckles with indents as she cries. I small sob escapes her mouth and it alone is enough to shatter my heart into a million pieces.

"You don't have to tell me now." I say catching her eyes with mine. She just shakes her head.

"No... I want to." She takes a deep breath and in this moment its as if she is the only thing left in the world. As if its only her and I. Just me and this beautiful, sobbing girl. "My dad never held me or helped me buckle my seat belt or tie my shoes, he never touched me in any way at all. And I knew why he didn't. He didn't love me, and if he touched me, he'd kill me." She's quiet for a while, just gnawing on her bottom lip and shaking her head. "I use to think that, that was how I could tell he really cared. But he didn't... He didn't care... I just wanted to save my mom! To save myself... He got mad that night, he grabbed my collar and I just asked him not to do it. I was pathetic. He laughed in my face, I asked him again and there was just nothing. I s-stabbed him." She looks up into my eyes and I find my face reflected in her glossy pupils. I brush her hair behind her ear and pull her close to me.

I hold her until she cries herself to sleep in my arms and I don't let go. Eventually she stills in my arms and her shaky breaths turn level and even. I lay her down gently and slide my arms around her, letting my breathing match hers until we're perfectly synchronized. Then I whisper the only thing I'm very sure of. The only thing I'm really sure matters. "I love you."

I say it like this because I'm a coward who can't say it to her face, I say it here because it scares me. Because its scares me more then I can describe, because I haven't loved anyone for four years and I just don't really remember what that feels like anymore.

SO! Sorry for the short/late chapter. School is super CRAZY since we're so close to the end of the year. I really tried to make this a good, QUALITY chapter. Thanks for reading! Vote/Comment!!!<3

Love,

Lidi