FNAF: The Story Untold

Chapter 4 - Change

Michelle came back home with a genuine smile on her face. Her mother wasn't home yet, probably because she went to pick up Elizabeth from school, but Michelle didn't think much about it.

She went to her room and threw the school bag on the floor, which she then opened to empty it from the school books and notebooks, but her eyes suddenly laid on the book Chrissy gave her shortly beforehand.

Curiously, she picked it up, threw herself onto the bed and began to leaf through the pages. It wasn't long, it was a short psychological novel that narrated the story of this, so-called, 'transvestite'. Michelle was drawn to the book and read it all wih attentiveness, not really because of the story itself, but more so for the descriptions of what the protagonist felt: the uneasiness you feel while looking at your naked body, feeling that something doesn't look right, as if this body doesn't belong to you, the feeling of being trapped inside your own skin. It's like she saw herself in a character for the first time, as if she was seen, understood and as she finally found the word that was on the tip of his tounge for years at this point.

Michelle didn't exactly understand he was a trangender man, he never had the opportunity to discover this reality. During the '80s it was very rare to get educated on these type of things. There was barely any awarness, all he knew is how there were these so-called 'freaks' on the tv sometimes, loud individuals with crazy outfits that screamed about wanting to get seen as human beings aswell. Chrissy and Seth were the first openly queer people he has ever met in his life aswell.

Nonetheless, Michelle still understood something about himself that he always felt deep down but couldn't point down what it was. However, with the discover of the answers for a million of questions inside his mind, another million of questions suddenly started to appear and the boy started to reflect.

"Would being a man make me happier? If they called me he instead of she, or if they told me I'm a beautiful boy instead of calling me a beautiful girl, would I actually feel happier, more comfortable? Is that even why I felt awkward in the first place whenever they called me that? If I was born a man, would I feel better about myself? Would I feel happy inside my body? Or is this just a fantasy I'm having, maybe it's just curiousity about how it would feel to be born inside a man's body. Everyone thinks that afterall, right? Now that I think about it I was the only girl in middle school that was unhappy about my boobs suddenly growing. I was much happier and confident as a kid and liked when boys confused me for one of them".

The answer wasn't simple nor immediate, obviously. However, Michelle felt as if he needed a change of some sort, he subconsciously knew what felt right, even though he didn't know that this was called a 'transition'.

It's as if he found the decisive piece of a puzzle, but the image was still incomplete and blurry. He was still far from fully understanding himself, from seeing the bigger picture.

As he finished reading he closed the book and frantically picked up some fashion magazines.

During the '80s a more androgynous look began to spread and lots of famous people began to challenge gender roles. Just think of Prince, or Madonna's way of dressing. Michelle wanted to try to change his style of clothing, he wanted to experiment, prove if his feelings were right, he wanted to see if dressing more manly would somehow help. He couldn't wait to see his friends again, they were the only people he could talk about things like that with without being seeing as a weirdo.

Lucky for him he didn't need to wait at all actually, since he looked at the clock and realized how it was almost 4 pm already. He ran out of his room and went through the kitchen as he talked to his mother who, during the meantime, already came back home.