Snape on My Nape

Chapter 4- Seventh Year

A fierce rush of blood crawled across my cheeks and my body went numb. I stared at him, confused yet hoping that the one he references is me. It felt like an eternity, as I stood motionless before him, cautious to do anything. He slammed his palm on the edge of the table while seething his teeth in frustration.

"Damn it! You are the one who can feed my soul and make me pure again." His eyes softened. He screamed for help behind his begging face and sunken skin. His voice, oh his voice transcended this universe and his thick, coal-colored hair was tangled about his face. I reached over and put my hand on his. It was large, slender, and very soft. His pale skin and perfect nails wrapped themselves around my hand in a playful way.

I gazed up at the professor whom I loved since the first time I heard his name. The daunting, cunning Death Eater was very well mine, and he would quench my thirst for a bad boy quite sufficiently.

"Professor, do you realize what you've said? What you are doing?" I asked him and then it fell silent.

"I need you. Not someone like you, but only you. I've had the privilege to watch you grow up into a fine young lady, and I know you are a good person. After all these years of petty little acts of nonsense, we can truly be together." I was shocked to have a handsome, fairly young Death Eater fall into my lap this easy. All of the years I watched on in agony, thinking about how we could never be together finally dissolved into nothingness. I smiled as the pressure relieved itself from my heart.

"I have watched you since my first day at Hogwarts and never forgot you after. Your voice is soothing, your wit and looks are advanced. You are a perfect man and even though I'm not Lily Evans, I can be only but myself and give that to you." His ravaging eyes turned up, his narrowed brow softened.

"That is all I ask of you. To be yourself." Tears were forming at the edges of his eyelids as his eyes glistened with passion. Severus gently ran his hand down my cheek, restraining himself from advancing any farther. Our eyes were transfixed on one another and they were telling stories of their own, ones we could not tell with our words. Then we slipped like a fault line and collided into an embrace brought upon us by unsolicited pressure to exist as one.

"What is to become of us after I complete my final days here as a Hogwarts student?" Reality washed over me. What would my life look like?

"I suppose we could find somewhere to go. I am provided lodging here at the castle, but I am sure you are in want of retiring from Hogwarts. Feldcroft has a few quiet cottages for sale near the stream. It's very beautiful there." Severus smiled warmly. The future terrified me, and I was still caught up in my anxious thoughts for what it held in store.

"Perhaps we could be neighbors of the Malfoys? They are a Pure Blood family, loyal to the Death Eater cause." I casually mentioned as I began to stalk about the room, examining the boxes and glassware strewn around carelessly.

"Why would we ever want the Malfoys as neighbors? Just because you are a Pure Blood does not mean you need to associate yourself with dangerous people." Worry loomed in his thundering voice. I remained fixed on the curious liquids I discovered in vials at the bottom of a storage chest coated in thick cobwebs.

"I'm an outsider nonetheless. Beauxbaton mother and Ilvermorny father are sure signs of a high pedigree, but my mother lost her family tree as it stops during the Muggle French Revolution and my father lost his lineage in the 1700s somewhere. Though we can trace it back a few centuries, very prominent Pure-Bloods can trace their families back to at least the 1500s. I want to be seen as a Pure-Blood and work for a Pure-Blood cause." I don't know why, but this was a very feeble topic to my heart. Losing prestige, being called a fake, and not being taken seriously by the Pure-Blood community has created hardships for my family who is trying to earn the good-graces of many in order to be taken seriously.

"Well I am a Half-Blood firstly, and secondly, I am no friend of the Malfoys or other longstanding Hogwarts Pure-Bloods. They are responsible for the suffering I have endured." I lowered my head in response.

"The Blacks, Lestranges, and Carrows are not your friends?" I dropped the rubber stopper I was fiddling with to the ground in utter shock.

"Jade, there are things, complicated things, happening in my life. You know how I feel about the Death Eaters who were involved with Lily." His eyes were nervous and wild. He was terrified of all I knew.

"I want to be like them. I want to join the Death Eaters and reclaim my family status." I answered, knowing very well that he would not take kindly to my words.

"You don't want to be like them." He changed his voice from outraged to serious. There was fear scrawled across his face.

"I know the Unforgivable Curses like I know the back of my hand. I've been studying the Dark Arts since my first day here. Everyday I have been working towards a goal set out by my family and myself to become what we were meant to be." I raised my voice in defiance. The room felt small, even insignificant.

"Jade, no one is meant to be a Death Eater. It's an evil game of life or death." Severus was nearly pleading for me to back down as his eyebrows turned upward in panic.

"I am not who you think I am. I haven't been a servant to the Dark Lord since Lily's death. If it is something you truly want, I cannot give that to you." My heart dropped and hummed in my ears. Time stood still. There was nothing more to splay on the table aside from silence.

"Xander and Vivianna never cared about you, so why would you think for a moment that you would be welcomed to join the Death Eaters? They would be your primary hope of securing access to them, yet they bullied you for all these years. You are not a Death Eater. Have you ever used an Unforgivable Curse?" Severus cried. I shook my head rather shyly.

"I have never seen an ounce of unrequited hatred come from your being. You are kinder than you know. Do not sell yourself short by turning to a cause built from fear, for that makes it a fragile system to toy with." His eyes glistened with tears.

"Take my word for it. I am but nine years older than you and regret this mark everyday of my life." I was now uncertain about my place in the world. If I was not to be a Death Eater, then who was I supposed to be?