Ev x Shaq O'Neal

Sadness

*days later*

I can't believe Chady Chad broke up with me. Hell, I shouldn't even be using that nickname anymore damnit. Tonight, I'm gonna burn everything he gave me, every little thing will be burned to the brim. But first, I'm gonna confront Yeolc.

Ev arrives at Yeolc's house and just to be safe she checks her surroundings.
Alright, the coast is clear, she knocks on the door.  She then realizes it's open. Hello? She says, anyone home? Just then, she walks up the stairs hearing tons of moaning, her heart drops. OUT OF ALL TIMES! She says in her head, fuck it, let's go in.

"Oh yeah Yeolc, you like dat shit gangy?" "Yes babe" she says. Ev being scared shitless walks in, and she screams. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING!?!?!?!

Oh shit Ev, Chad says surprised. Yeolc and I were just getting along he says in a mild tone.
You are getting along by FUCKING!? We're done Chad, Yeolc, fuck you.

Ev storms off hoping to find another place to go to get her mind off what she saw. Damnit, where should I go she says, you know what, I'm gonna go to a local coffee shop.
She walks into the coffee shop hoping to get a nice cup of coffee. Hey, can I just get an espresso with extra creamer please? Sure thing ma'am, say, you're looking kinda down, this one is on the house.
Thank you so much sir, she says. As she drinks her coffee she writes down a list of things she is going to burn. Damnit she says, what are relics I can sell, hell they aren't even relics at this point.

While she's talking to herself the doorbell rings in the coffee shop, as Ev turns around she realizes it's Shaq!
Ev, what's up suga!? He says with that deep voice, how you been girl?
Not very well Shaq, just found out my Boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend.
Oh I'm sorry to hear that he says. I'll get us both a nice hot bagel to eat together, will that cheer you up?
Yes Shaq, yes it would.