let the heart beat

[1] WHAT WE HAVE BECOME

something distant and alien, full of unpleasant surprises

with empty words that weigh down

we're breathing fire and scorching our lungs,

those happy conversations have become a distant hum

this is what we have become.

once inseparable with youthful energy

and those thousand inside jokes we shared,

you were my anchor to the cruel world

but now we've both sunk in dread.

this is what we have become.

i was the joker and you used to laugh,

and watching you everyone else used to,

i am still the joker but you no longer laugh

and watching you they don't either

and you don't say a word-

this is what we have become.

i look one way and you look the other,

nothing about us is in one direction anymore-

this is what we have become.

i could cover you with my angst and some gasoline

and you could walk into a burning pit of fire

you still would emerge unhurt and unburnt

but now my problems scorch your hard skin

and bruise your arms like anything

even if you don't know of them-

this is what we have become.

but you, god you

you line your eyes with dark make-up

dark like your blackened heart (and mine)

and i never understood why it's always smudged

but now i understand it better than ever

and you know why it is smudged and yet

you don't say a word-

this is what we have become.

i would bathe in the stars for you

even if they scorch my arms

and kill me in an instant.

i could never really hate you

and you could never really hate me

but these looks you keep casting in my direction

god, they are breaking me.

i think you probably know that-

this is what we have become.

- WHAT WE HAVE BECOME

(the poet wrote this a few months ago when she hated her friends [and basically everyone else too].)