When Love Awaits

Chapter one

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Valerie's P.O.V

"Umaga ka nanaman umuwi? Nag aalala ang lola mo sayo mula kagabi pa. Papatayin mo ba talaga kami? You always make us worried. Gimik ka ng gimik. You're 25 for God's sake but you act like 18. When will you learn na seryosohin yang buhay mo?" Nakakabit na ata talaga sa bibig ng nanay ko ang shutgun. She's over protective and very talkative. This is so wrong to think na kaya sya iniwan ni daddy ay dahil ganyan siya. Yes, I get it, she's just concerned. But it's too much. I'm too old para bantayan pa.

"Are you done ma? I need to get some sleep."

"You better fix yourself because your father will talk to you later. I don't want him to see you like that. Hindi kita pinalaki ng ganyan. Bumamaba ka after you fix yourself. Understand?" I just nodded. I'm not in the mood to argue with her. I've been always excited when dad's going home but right now I just lost my energy.

I run to my room and cried my heart out. This is so embarrassing. My mother told me to fix myself but how could I do that when I'm totally fvcked up?

Who will not? If you see your husband, I mean ex husband holding a child in his arms, taking him in the toy store with a woman beside him. You know what, it just killed me.

All this years, I've been crazily finding someone who has family now. He's so happy right there. He's so happy with his new family now. And I don't know how to cope.

I've once married for a fvckable reason. It happened when a guy proposed to me after our mind blowing sex and of course for a 19 year old brat girl it's cool and unique so I agreed. The marriage we had was the best. We started happily on what we have. Going to bed together, making out in the comfort room, kitchen, under table, garden, car, public CR, fitting room, cabinet. That's cool and fun. Everytime we had sex is adventure.

But it didn't last because the more we get in touch to each other, the more arguments we encountered.

It's so hard to be in that kind of relationship because you don't know where will it go. We're growing up. I need love, he needs love but we can't give it to each other because from the very start our marriage is all about lust, it's all about fun. Its just sex that connecting us.

The time we get tired of fvcking each other, we divorced.

Ang tanga tanga ko lang kasi hindi ko alam na nahulog na pala ako. Pinabayaan ko siyang umalis. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos walang oras na hindi ko inisip na sana nandito siya sa tabi ko. Sana ipinaglaban ko ang nararamdaman ko. Pero wala na eh, nawala na lang siyang parang bula.

I wish I can turn back the time. I wish I could have him again. Sana pala binigyan ko nang chance ang marriage namin hindi yong parang naglaro lang kami ng bahay- bahayan. Natakot kasi ako eh, natakot akong magmahal. Natakot ako na aminin sa sarili ko na mahal ko siya. Natakot ako na baka magaya kami sa mga magulang ko. Natakot ako na maging si mama. She always cry at midnight when my father and her got divorced. Lagi syang tulala at mainitin ang ulo. Sobrang sakit makita ang mama ko na nasasaktan dahil lang sa nagmahal siya. Ayoko mangyari sa akin yon. Ayokong umiyak sa huli, kaya ginawa kong laro lahat ng meron kami.

Pero hindi mo pala talaga mapipigilan kapag gusto na ng pusong mong magmahal. Ang masakit pa, wala na siya nang marealize kong mahal ko siya.

"Hi dad" It's already 10 in the evening nang magdecide akong bumaba na.

"Hi ija, you look good" Mabilis nya kong niyakap at hinalikan sa pisngi.

"You really love me dad ha" I joked because I know I did not look okay. I'm totally a mess.