The Eleven - A Fault in Our Stars AU

The Eleven

*This is set the morning after Hazel Grace finds out that Gus has died*

As I slowly opened my eyes, I could hear the monotonous beeping of the heart monitor and the cold dripping of the IV beside me. I looked around the room, only to see mom and dad sitting next to each other in the hard, plastic hospital chairs. What happened? My mind raced for an answer. A cough rattled deep in my chest, startling my parents awake, as they looked around wondering what was going on.

"Oh honey, it's so good to see you again." mom said sweetly, rushing over to my bedside. Dad took my hand and started stroking at it, with this look on his face that only meant trouble.

"What happened?" I asked quietly, almost under my breath. I looked up, and searched their eyes for some type of answer, no matter how inconsolable it might be. A few seconds passed before mom had the courage to finally explain what was going on.

"Don't you remember, sweetie? You passed out at the dinner table two weeks ago and we brought you into the ER. We've been so worried about you, you've been in and out of consciousness ever since.." she replied, avoiding my eyes throughout the explanation.

"What are you talking about? I was just in bed last night, when Gus's mom called me and told me about Gus and you guys came in and held me.. There's no way I've been here for two weeks.. What aren't you telling me, mom?" I whispered, my mind reeling with confusion and chaos.

"Hazel honey," mom asked, looking at me with worry, "who's this 'Gus' you're talking about?" As she asked me this, my head snapped up in surprise. My quick movement startled them, as I stared at them incredulously.

"Who's Gus? Mom, what are you talking about? Who's Gus? Augustus Waters. He's the boy who took us to Amsterdam, he's the boy who smashed every single one of his basketball trophies, he's the boy who makes fun of his parent's 'Encouragements' but secretly loves them, he's the boy that I--" I stopped, the tears choking me up to the point where I couldn't go on, to the words that I didn't want to say.

"He's the boy that you what, Hazel?" dad questioned. It was the first thing he'd said since I woke up, and something about the way he asked it felt like I knew what was coming.

"Gus," I sighed, looking at them, "is the boy that I love. And he loved me too." They stared at me in silence, their mouths slightly agape in shock. "Why are you guys looking at me like that? You've both met him more times than I can count!" I yelled louder than I meant to, drawing the attention of a passing nurse.

"Ah, Hazel, you're awake. On a scale of one to ten, rate your pain." the nurse declared, interrupting our conversation.

"A six, maybe seven. I just ache all over."

"Hmm, good good," he murmured, scribbling notes on a clipboard, "and no hallucinations of any sort? " he asked, looking up from his paper.

"Hallucinations?" I whimpered, feeling the blood rush out of my face.

"I'll take that as a no, then. The attending physician will be in in a few minutes to check on you." he replied, smiling as he walked out, closing the door behind him.

"Hazel, I don't know who this Gus boy is, but he must not have loved you as much as you thought he did.. Kaitlyn, your father and I are the only people who have been here the entire two weeks that you've been in the ICU." dad said, looking down at me, just as confused as I was.

"Oh.. Oh Hazel.." mom almost sobbed, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Mom, what?" I implored, wanting to know what was going on. She looked back up at dad, who had just come to the same realization as she did. I was the only one who was out of the loop now, like had been happening so much lately. "Mom, what's going on?"

"Honey.." dad started, but couldn't finish. He walked over to the plastic chairs again, and I could see the silent sobs racking his body.

"Hazel, sweetie.. What the nurse was asking about, the hallucinations.. When we brought you in, it was because you weren't getting enough blood to your brain, therefore, not enough oxygen.. The doctor told us there was a great chance that you would experience some very life-like hallucinations.." she replied, almost inaudibly. She kept talking, but I tuned most of it out. The same realization has hit me, but once more, I was too late. It made sense though, them not knowing who Gus was, me not remembering anything that had happened, it all fit together, like pieces of a puzzle. But only now, did I finally have all the pieces, and only now was I able to see the whole picture.

"Gus.. Was he real?" I asked them. "Was he real, mom? If he wasn't real, then why do I feel like this? Where is all this coming from?" I shouted at them, even though they didn't know the answer, much less deserve my anger. Before they had the chance to reply, Doctor Maria walked in the room, followed by the nurse from earlier.

"Hazel, how are you feeling, darling?" Dr. Maria asked, feeling my forehead.

"On a scale of one to ten," I looked up at her, "an eleven." Because at that moment, I realised what I had done. I killed Gus. I killed the love of my life. I killed him by waking up. By breaking the hallucination. My star-crossed love was dead, because of me.

"What hurts the most?" Dr. Maria replied, concern crossing her face.

"Just let me go back to sleep. I want to see Gus again. I just want to see him.." Maybe if I dream again, if I give myself the chance to have another hallucination, I'll see him again. Because when I used the ten on my scale of pain, I thought that nothing could hurt worse. Now I had used an eleven I didn't even know existed.

God I hope there's no twelve.