Almost strong

Chapter 3

Last night at practice, I was being pretty mean to McKayla. I kept saying that she was doing the skills wrong. I didn't realize that it was hurting her feelings, until later in the practice. She wouldn't really talk to me after I did that till later that night when i texted her. I told her that I would really try and make it up to her and I asked her what I can do to make it up to her and she said she wants me to show her that I can be nice to her. When I was in the shower last night I was crying for about an half an hour. I didn't want my parents to know that i was crying so I went upstairs to my room as quick as I could to make sure they didn't see me. I couldn't stop thinking about how mean I was and how she might not even want to be my friend anymore because I keep doing it to her at practice. I am really hoping she still wants to be my friend. If she not my friend anymore I don't know what I am going to do. When she goes to college I don't even know if I'm still going to do gymnastics. Right now I only am going to gymnastics because she is there. On Monday my coach would not stop yelling at me. I was trying so hard not to cry, because if I didn't should would say that I am acting like a baby. She tells everyone who cries at practice that they are acting like a baby, and if they cry at practice then recurrent tough enough to do gymnastics. Mrs Shannon also was saying that I can't move up because I don't have any of my skills, but I do because the only skill I don't have is the giant on the bars and I was getting close until she gave up on me. Now anytime I try a giant she yells at me. On Monday I was almost crying the whole practice. I used to like Monday practices but ever since Gabrielle and Emily came Mrs Shannon has been mean to me. She was the one that invited those two. Maybe I am just really dramatic, but I don't know. I just can't take having no friends, my parents yelling at me, and Mrs Shannon yelling at me. I just really need a friend to just hold me right and tell me everything will be okay. I think I might have lost McKayla. I was thinking earlier this month that I have lost an average of 5 friends a year and I was thing that only 20% of the team from last year I as on the team this year. I don't think I am going to have anymore friends.

I still can't sleep, I have been getting about two hours of sleep a night. The only way I am getting to sleep is for myself to cry myself to sleep. I couldn't really even cry myself to sleep last night because I thought McKayla was going to hate me and not want to be my friend anymore. I couldn't even read because I kept crying about her. She wouldn't even talk to me after what I did, I don't think she is going to want to be my friend anymore. I hope she will talk to me on Tuesday. If I keep crying after every practice then I think that I might quit. I don't know why I keep being so mean to McKayla. She's going to hate me if I keep getting mad at her and yelling at her. I'm going to probably quit gymnastics. I really don't want to quit but it's just hard to keep going with all of this. I am going to try and keep going with gymnastics but for now I need to get McKayla to be my friend again. I wish I still had someone to talk to, but I am pushing people away. I just want to lay in my bed and cry. I don't think I know how to do anything else but cry anymore. Where are my friends. I need someone, I need someone to be my friend and talk to me and hold me tight. Someone that won't judge me when I cry and won't judge me for who I am. I miss my friends, I really do. I really just want my friends to know that I do care about them, I am not trying to be mean to them, and that I need someone to talk to. I will talk to them about anything they want, I just want to talk to them. I wish that McKayla could this be the one that I could talk to about everything, and I could still talk to her about anything that come to mind. but now I am afraid she will get mad at me and stop talking to me forever. I miss that so badly, I want to talk to her.