Path.

Chapter 1: The Therapist Friend

"I understand. If you need time to be alone, just let me know alright?"

"Aaliyah! It's just not fair! I seriously don't fucking get it. I don't! I don't understand why they always choose her over me!"

That's me trying to help my friend, Nevaeh, while she's venting. I'm not the best person to go to but I try. If anything, I'm just your average broke college student trying to get through school you know? I'm always known as the therapist friend so it's often that I stop whatever I'm doing just to listen to my friends.

"You know what? You're no help Aaliyah... I'm gonna go for now..."

"Oh, okay... I hope you get better at least..."

I try. I'm always trying. That's all I get in return. I don't think they get the concept that I'm just a human. I can't help with everything. Sometimes I don't even think they consider my feelings. It's something. I try to give help. I try to listen. Hell. I always do. All I get in return is "you're no help!" Or "you know what?? Fuck you. You're useless"

Probably thinking that I need to drop them. Oh I have. But they always run back and pity fucking gets to me. I seriously don't think they consider my problems too. I tried venting once, fuckers left and said I was attention seeking. No, I wasn't. I just wanted someone to hear me out so I can move on. That's why I went to write in a journal about all my problems.

It's just getting me pissed off and upset. Pissed that they never hear me out and never seem to show a bit of gratitude that I even helped them. Upset that they never consider me or my feelings. I'm always left behind. But that's alright. As long as they're happy I suppose...

-Monday-

"Did you go to the party last night??? It was so fucking fun and chronic!" My friend exclaimed while we were walking to our lectures.

"Party? I don't recall. If anything I was helping Nevaeh with her problems..." I responded.

"Oh. I guess Emalynn didn't tell you?" When my friend said that, my heart dropped. Shattered into pieces as it dropped.

Emalynn has been one of my closest friends since middle school. We did everything together till this day. Or so I thought.

"Oh." I said silently.
"I guess I didn't check my messages." I replied while knowing goddamn she said nothing.

"Damn. Tough luck. You would've loved it there. Anywho I'mma go now, Cya!"

"Yeah. Cya..."

Who would've known someone like Emalynn would do something like that. Oh well. Just fucking deal with it. Again. I'm just the therapist friend who listens. I don't say shit cause I'd rather everyone be happy. Even if it means me leaving. I always put everyone first. So it's not that big of a deal I suppose.

After my lecture, I walked back into my dorm and threw myself in my bed. I stared at the ceiling for a good 5 minutes. I started to feel my eyes burn as if tears were starting to form. "God damnit not right now tears... I'm making a fool out of my fucking self..." Works every time. Tears gone. I know it isn't healthy to hold them in but it is what it is.

I started to get thoughts and voices in my head. I walked myself to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror."You are one idiotic person Aaliyah..." I opened the drawer and took out my razor, took it apart so it's just the razor blade. I rolled up my sleeves on my left arm, pressed the blade up to my skin. I closed my eyes as I quickly moved the blade against my arm while pushing it down slightly. I breathe out while feeling the blood slightly rolling down my arm. I look at my left arm knowing what I just did. I quickly did it several more times.

I quickly snapped out of it before I did more and stared at my arms knowing goddamn well what the fuck I did I sat in the corner of my bathroom while telling myself not to cry. I picked myself up, washed off the blood, and put the razor back together. I let out a deep shakey sigh while I looked at myself in the mirror and rolled my sleeve back down.

"Aaliyah I'm back from my lecture!" Called my roommate, Thea.

I walked out of my bathroom acting like I haven't done anything.

"Yo! How's your day so far??" I said trying to cover my feelings.

"Not much, you wanna talk though??"