Guild Of Zeroes

Chapter 5

The day was bright and warm but inside, I felt cold and bleak. After my hunting trip I had found my way back to the guild instead of riding off towards the horizon in pursuit of my own dreams. I hadn't struck out on my own. I hadn't taken up arms against my own demons. I hadn't scaled that black wall in my mind. I had slunk home defeated. Like always. I was a failure. I had always been a failure. That's all I could ever be. All I would ever amount to was a scribbled footnote on a forgotten page of the Archives. That was the best case scenario for me. At worst I'd be nothing at all. I let out a long breath. I was nothing now.

At least I couldn't fall any further.

The hunt had been four days ago now and I hadn't left my room since. How could I with that wizard out there waiting for me? It was best to stay here with the door shut and let that problem take care of itself. If I stayed here forever I wouldn't have to deal with what I saw. I wouldn't have to help. I would only make things worse anyway. It was best if I stayed here and let someone else deal with it. I was nothing. The wall of anxiety loomed behind me, and turning away from it, I found myself standing on the edge of a deep, dark hole. Maybe it was better to throw myself into the pit and save myself the headache of deciding what to do. I would make the wrong choice and let everyone down. I would fail Hawk, I would fail my friends, I would fail Herschel and his villagers.

A soft knock broke the silence and pulled me away from the edge of that hole.

Groaning, I stood and walked over to the door, opening it a crack.

"Go away," I said. My voice was alien to me at this point. It came out as a dry rasping croak. My words sounded more like old parchment tearing than a human voice.

A hand wormed its way into the crack. It was pale and the nails were painted a deep, shiny green. It was Hawk. Great. I could almost see myself in the reflection on her nails. I looked like a bag of dog shit that someone had hit with a mace. Hawk couldn't see me like this. I pushed the door closed.

Stubborn jackass that she was, Hawk didn't move her hand. "You can crush my fingers, Parsnip, but I'm not leaving."

I moved the door open an inch but no further. "What do you want?"

"I want to make sure you're okay. I haven't seen you on the grounds."

"I'm fine." It was a lie.

"You don't sound fine."

"Maybe this is just how I sound now."

Hawk put her shoulder into the door and leaned into it, slowly sliding me back across the floor. I didn't have the strength to resist.

"Have you eaten anything?" Hawk asked.

I quit trying to keep her away. Might as well let her and get this over with. "Mouse dropped some food and water ... yesterday. I think."

Hawk swung the door open all the way but stayed at the threshold, looking me up and down. "Can I come in?"

I nodded and sat down on my bed. Hawk strode past me and pulled the chair out from my writing desk, setting it directly across from me and sitting down.

We sat staring at each other for a long while. I didn't have anything to say. If Hawk wanted to talk then that was her issue.

She fished a Quest card out of her belt. "The villagers asked for you again. You must have impressed them."

"They did most of the work," I said, shrinking back into my bed and pulling my knees up to my chest. "They probably don't need me."

Hawk scowled down at the card. "This says otherwise. They want you to help track a sorcerer." Her brow creased in a frown and her shoulders tightened. "That can't be right, can it? Why would they think a sorcerer was near the village? The Guild would know. Our wizards would sense that."