Smiling but dying inside
What if I said I was tired?
It's been 3 years since I felt the need to rant and just writing but I don't know why I even bother doing this because it won't help
I'm so tired emotionally and mentally drained. It's been so long since I just felt sad and had a reason and I'm just tired
College isn't as stressful as people claim it to be but it doesn't mean it isn't stressful
I'm dying juggling life as a adult and I never wanted to be a kid again and I honestly just don't want to be here struggling each day
I'm not even saying the real problem I'm just saying shit that has nothing to do with me writing/ ranting in a stall crying
Yeah it's a "girly" thing but I don't care because I'm just tired and trained and ugh
I'm not living 100% for myself just about 10% and that's a lot for me because I- I'm just so depressed and masked it away and will continue to do so but I'm breaking slowly
"Oh you're so nice" no I was always nice but being rude was a mask to push people away and it wasn't working and now that my mask of being cold is over and I'm just me who is dying inside trying to make sure everyone is mentally okay
I really miss my 13-14 self because I was so happy and just fuck I just want to feel like that again I really do because it hurts so bad. To feel this way and I know people have it way worse so I try not to complain because I feel like the reason I be feeling this way is because it's my fault
I just want to isolate myself from the world like Chris did from the book into the wild (not a wattpaf book and is based off a true story also a movie) even tho he ends up dying in the end I'd rather do what he did and cut everyone off and live freely without any society influences
I am really grateful for a lot of people in my life. I really am
People think I'm okay with anger issues and that's fine with me as long as I don't trouble anyone who's already troubled
But yeah I'm unhappy but happy for everyone in my life so no suicide here :))
I don't wanna be here no more, Lord, come and get me
No, I ain't ready to die like I'm Biggie
Just wanna jump in my car, fill it with gas, and go far and not look back
-I don't see nothing I want
It don't excite me no more,
-
Lord, I got a question, is Heaven real?
If so, then why you kept us here?
