𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒

𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓

I wonder what wrong she did to me. Nothing. And what did I do to her? I don't want to remember. And why she is still here with me?, walking, no complaints, no regrets? I look back at her, still walking, just alive, barely. "Can we stop for a while?" Came a merely audible voice as soon as our eyes met. Probably it was meant for me as nobody stopped or looked back. "We have to cover this part before night falls Krishnaa, I shall carry you" she nods.
I pick her up.
She wraps her hands around my neck.
She places her head on my  shoulders.
Her breath falling on my collarbone.
This was rare, I carried her many a times but she would deny first. Was her condition that bad and I failed to notice? I kiss her forehead.
  I feel her smile.
  Krishnaa smiles, for me.

  We start to walk, walk, and walk. Nothingness. There's a storm coming, I sense it. "Hold me tight Krishnaa" I say to her as her arms go tight around me. I feel guilty. She would never let go of me. It was me who always left her. She embraced me when I had nothing, she was with me when when I was at my best, she was with me when I was at my worst, she is still here with me when I have nothing. And what did I return? I was the one who left her, in every situation, even when she needed me the most. I left her on the day of our marriage by offering my eldest brother to marry her, without even thinking what she wants. I left her for something that was not her fault, I left her when she was being dragged by the hair to the court, clad in a single garment, drenched in her own blood. I left her when she still needed time to recover from that incident. She is still here clung to me, still I am the one she smiles for.

I was just a Brahmin. No riches, no palace to stay, no comfort, but still chosen by her. I tried to hide my excitement the time she garlanded me, her eyes glistening. What was so fascinating about marrying a poor Brahmin who had nothing to offer her?
"Hold me tight, Princess" The first thing I said to her, the time when brother Bheem was tackling the crowd to fight us.
"What should I call you?" I asked as we walked to our hut "I have many names, Panchali, Draupadi, Parshati, Krishnaa.. you can choose any one of them" she was visibly excited, yet calm. Krishnaa.. The name struck my mind.
Krishnaa..
Krishnaa..
Krishnaa..
I repeated it few times in my mind, probably many a times

Though rarely called, Krishna is my name too. I find my name in her's, I find myself in her. She is the mirror of what I am, beyon my possession of materialistic things.

She would cry everytime we made love, not because of anything physical. But probably because she knew, no matter what I would always leave her..
or in a hope that no matter what I would return to her, only her
That's what she would say.

The storm arrived. And went away. We still walk. Her breath still fans on my collarbone now fainter and calmer. She slept. It was already past sunset when brother Bheem turned around and saw I was carrying her. I nodded assuring that she's fine.

We found a stone shelter for tonight. I placed her properly, her head now on my chest, the faint movement of her chest as she sleeps. She was already tired enough, I won't wake her up tomorrow and let her catch sufficient amount of sleep. My Brothers helped me to cover her properly. The night seemed short, probably because I slept peacefully after decades.

I wake up, feeling no weight resting on me. My brothers gathered around us. Isn't it too early to start moving forward now?  "Do we start walking again from now? I think we should let Krishnaa sleep for some more time and arrange for some food. She wasn't able to walk properly yesterday" I say. Brother Bheem looks serious, in a verge to cry his heart out. "What's wrong?"  I ask "She- " Nakul stopped midway looking at her lying beside me, still peacefully asleep. What's wrong about her?
I grow tense.. no
I pat her cold cheeks,
one time,
two times,
multiple times
No movements,
no sound, just
silence..
silence..
silence..
DEAFENING SILENCE..

I feel a hand on my shoulders, Brother Yudhishthir, he nods calmly as ever, I hear Brother Bheem, Nakul and Sahdev slowly break into sobs,
Cries..
Wails..
Silence..
DEAFENING SILENCE..

I lean to kiss the lifeless shell of her's which still somehow had the smell of blue lotus.. now getting fainter..
for the first time
She left me
She left us
She left forever

I would return to you no matter what. I promise her
She left me first for the first time,
I deserve it.

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The writing style of this chapter was inspired by Colleen Hoover's "Ugly Love"

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Vyasa mentioned Draupadi as "Love of his life" for Arjuna,

I tried my best to represent, what was going on in Arjuna's mind during the time of their last journey.
I apologise for my mistakes

PS: this is a work of fiction but some events are based on the epic

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I would like to elaborate it to a whole new book but only if I have the support of you people..
So please, If you want to read a full version, vote and add this book to your library

Thank you

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