10: Butterfly

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Today, I sit down at a table at the local Starbucks I have fallen so in love with. The interior is so cozy and it makes me want to visit this exact coffee shop every time I pass by it. It's a dark theme, dark wooden furniture and dim lights on the walls. It's very aesthetically pleasing and it's so different from what we have in 2109.

It makes me wonder why everything is so black, grey and white in my time period. Everything is so minimalistic and boring. On the walls of the Starbucks I'm sitting in, is pictures and plants hung randomly which would not be seen in a coffee shop (or any kind of shop) where I come from. It's too messy, but here it looks good and it creates a different atmosphere. I want to sit here forever.

I sip my coffee, glancing at my phone to check the time. Even though I don't have many friends at home, I at least get emails or notifications from local news. This phone is quiet all the time, I only have Jungkook's number coded in and Hoseok's too. I didn't get Namjoon's, but Hoseok have it so it doesn't worry me.

I have nothing to do today. I should research Min Yoongi, the last member of BTS that I don't know where to find yet, but I woke up late this morning by accident and since then I haven't had motivation to do anything—besides getting my morning coffee.

I've been here for about a week now, 8 days, and I haven't had one break.

It's not like I work constantly. Some will say my job is easy being that I can call hanging out nearby a river my job. But those people don't know how draining the job as a traveler is. Even though I get breaks and a few times get to have fun, deep inside the mission is eating me up and it doesn't help that this one is a long one.

I have had long missions before, but this one seems more emotionally draining than the others.

It's always draining to be around a suicidal person, needing to help them. It's always tough for the traveler (unless they're some kind of psychopaths that lacks emotion and empathy). It's never easy to see someone be so far out where they can't seem to keep themselves above water for any longer.

But this case is different.

Even though I'm only here to save Jungkook, so far 4 other people have weighed on my heart. 

Namjoon, Hoseok and Seokjin who I have spoken to. They all feel guilty of something and it's wearying hearing their different reasons. Jimin, I have not spoken to, but just observing his state in the hospital that day and researching about his hardships after is difficult for me to bear with.

I don't even dare to think of what Yoongi's guilt is. If he has one, I'd rather not hear it.

It may sound selfish, but no one knows how hard it is to stand strong in the middle of a decrepit construction until they experience it themselves. I need space to breathe, some place where bricks aren't falling all around me.

This is my hardest mission yet.

I'm not emotionally exhausted, I have a lot more strength in me, but I do need breaks. And when I brought out my phone this morning to continue my job, I broke down in tears.

There's only so much I can take. I may be from the future, but I'm not a robot—I'm a human.

So I've chosen to take the day off.

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