Wish Apon A Star

Nicole - Shattered

The day started off badly when Leo found me, sobbing, on the floor surrounded by broken glass.

I'd dropped one of the glass jars of cinnamon, and now it and a million tiny, glittering shards of glass were all over the floor. I'd been reaching to pick one of the larger pieces up when Leo appeared in the doorway and said my name so sharply I nearly fell backwards. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you. But don't touch that, okay? Hold on."

He came back with a broom, and leaned it against the wall before making his way over to me. "Come on," he said softly, leading me away from the glass and back toward the counter. "You're going to get cut."

"I didn't mean to," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest as I sat on the counter. Tears dripped down my face, and I tried and failed to wipe them away.

"I know you didn't," he said, grabbing the broom. "It was an accident. It's okay."

I just sat there and cried while I watched him pick up my mess. I was useless. Useless and stupid. All I ever did was break things and then watch as other people tried to fix them. It'd been almost a week since I'd been inside that building, and I still couldn't put myself back together. Maybe I never would.

Leo returned after throwing the glass out, and came over to me. I didn't protest as he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on top of my head. Even on the counter, he was taller than me. "I'm sorry," I muttered into his chest. "I'm sorry I'm acting like this."

"You don't have to apologize." He ran his fingers through my hair, one arm still around me. I knew I should move–I didn't deserve Leo, and I didn't deserve this–but I wanted to stay here forever. Block out the rest of the world and pretend Leo was the only person that mattered in it. "I know it's been a lot recently, Nicole. I'm sorry you're being put through this again and again. I want to protect you, even though most of the time you make that awfully hard. If you need to cry, then that's okay. No one is going to judge you, and no one hates you. Least of all me."

"Maybe you should," I said. "Look at me! I'm a mess, and I wasn't even the one hurt. I should be the one trying to make sure you're okay, not the other way around. I just keep...breaking–I don't know. And I can't ever seem to put myself back together, to be okay again. I need to be okay again, because I'm hurting everyone around me. I'm crumbling, and I'm taking everyone with me." I choked down a sob. "Just leave me. I'm not worth it. You don't need to put up with all this."

"But I want to," he insisted. "You're not broken. You're not 'this'. You're Nicole, and you can get upset and cry like everyone else."

"But it's more than everyone else. It's all the time. I'm even scared to go to sleep. I'm scared of the dark, like a child. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of being scared, and that doesn't even make sense."

"Yes, it does. And being scared of the dark doesn't make you a child. Nicole, do you remember what you promised me in the tower?"

Yes. But I was a liar, like my father said. I didn't keep my promises.

Leo continued, "You said you'd come to me if you were scared or had a nightmare. And I still mean that. If you need me to sit with you every night until you fall asleep, then I will. If you need me in the middle of the night, then I'm going to be there. I'm always going to be here for you, because you need me. And I need you."

"You shouldn't have to work all the time to try and get me to...I don't know. Be normal."

"That's exactly what I should do, though. Nicole, when I tell you I love you, I'm not just talking about a crush or butterflies–even though I think you're beautiful and I swear my heart stops when I see you. I'm saying that I'm going to work for you and with you, forever if I can. That's what I mean, Nicole–it's a promise. To you and myself."

I couldn't think. I could never think around him and his perfect words and his dimples. Maybe I did love him, even though that scared me, because that meant I could hurt him. And I knew I probably would–again and again, because everything around me ended up broken. Including myself.

His forehead touched mine, and I wanted him to kiss me, right then. Even with my father's words echoing in my head: slut. Even with tear tracks on my face and the thought of that stupid broken jar in the trash. Instead, I whispered, "You're an idiot. Did you know that?"

"But you love me."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't."

Something crashed outside, and we both turned to look. I hopped off the counter and made my way to the window, peering outside. Nothing. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

I spun towards the door. "I'm going to go see what that was."

"Nicole." He grabbed my arms and spun me to face him. My throat felt like it was closing up–there was no air–I couldn't breathe–help. "It was most likely nothing," he said, his voice even. "It's okay. Breathe." I locked eyes with him and somehow managed to, or at least tried, following his own slow breaths. His were always steady. He was always steady.

"I'm fine," I said. "And I'm going. What if–" I trailed off and shook my head. There were too many possibilities, none of them good. Maybe it was just stupid paranoia, but I felt sick about it.

"Are you sure you want to?"

"Yes."

"Then, I'm coming with you."

"Fine." I headed for the door, and he followed me out, as we crossed through the inn and out into the yard to the woods.

Every time a stick cracked or a bird sang, I jumped. The third time I shuddered after I heard the leaves rustle near us, Leo took my hand. We scanned the surrounding woods, looking for any clue that someone besides us had been there. Nothing.

Until I pointed. "There."

A camera. 

Word Count: 1,081