Excerpts From A Book I'll Never Write

Quick

My words were hopelessly lost, though I'm not sure I wanted them to be found.To my left were the stars sprinkled across the night sky through the car window. The stars twinkled gently, peeking through the clouds to see how lovely you looked that night. They glistened fleetingly every time you drew breath. You'd take your eyes off the road for just a second to match my glance and I would forget how to breathe. Your ethereal elegance veered me towards you. The warmth of your presence and the comfort of the silence outweighed the slight fog and chill of midnight. The roses you presented I stopped for and they were as sweet as the day is long.

As I rolled down the window and felt the wind race past my skin and through my hair, it hit me how quickly you were driving. How quickly you could crash. How quickly you could swerve off the road and how quickly we could become mere memories. How quickly we could both be dead without you knowing how precious you are. It was then I realised how short that drive was going to be. How short the day is. How short the sweet time existence hands us is.

To you, life was always long. You felt every moment vividly: with every second vibrant and long and slow. You somehow saw the world in all its glorious details and you saw it all at once. I always admired that: the way you saw the small things in life and found a way to make them seem huge. I loved the way you could look up at the night sky and take in every single celestial body you saw. You zoomed in on life but you did it at a glance and I had always wanted to live life like that.

Come to think of it, that drive was probably endless to you. Though I didn't know whether that was a good thing or not. As I sipped on my black tea in a thermos, did you wonder if my heart was racing as quickly as yours? Were you hopelessly captivated by every move I made? Almost certainly not. The road was wide and long and I am not worth noticing. Despite your fascination with the small things, I was too small for you. I always had a feeling but I had never allowed myself to explore it.

The worst part was I would've been happy if we died then. If you drove off the road into the sea, I wouldn't mind. My last moments would've have been with you. That's okay because life's short though I haven't spent it doing much, I know one day I will complain that it was stolen from me. Before I could stop myself, I said, "you're unbelievable, you know that?" My head said no but my mouth had run off.

You smiled and glanced at me.

You were steering with only one hand now and I think you lost all direction. Not that I think you knew where you were going anyway. But it didn't matter as I reached for your hand and laced my fingers through yours. Somehow I knew that if we died here, you'd be happy too.