Remembering the days i was at the hospital, taking care of my dad. Before those days, hospital was nothing special, it was just a regular place i saw when i passing through the street. Who would thought i would be living there for months.
Hospital is a different place at night, everything was so quiet, the hall was empty, just a couple of nurse passing by, i saw doctors end their working hours for the day, the family of the patients take turns guarding their loved ones, the janitor mopping the floors, it was just...calming. A big wide empty cold place.
Sometimes, i couldn't sleep at night because i was too busy looking at my dad's chest just to make sure he's still breathing, or pointing my finger at his tracheostomy hole, again just to make sure there's still breath coming out. I was too afraid he would suddenly stopped.
I looked into his face, he was still sleeping.
But his face isn't the face he would always show to his children anymore. He used to put a happy, excited, brave, kind expression. But this, he looked so weak and tired.
I was wondering how often he hid this expression from us.
He never looked sad, he never looked weak, he never looked so confused.
Even when he couldn't speak (because of the tracheostomy) he would put a smile on his face, all day.
Holding on my hands, asking how my day was by his eyes expression and the mouth gesture.
Sometimes he asked me to get a rest at home, but i said
"I'm fine here, I want to accompany you"
- AH
