Tpn headcanons and scenarios

It's all my fault (Ray angst)

Art isn't mine :')

Not really an x reader, more of a character study

This contains spoilers for the first season and takes place after Norman was shipped (around episodes 10-11 of season 1)

Ray's POV

"Lets do this together. We'll all escape"

Or so she said.

That was before it happened. That was before she lost the only hope she had in the world.

I never planned for all of us to escape on the first place. I planned to kill myself. Getting revenge and helping my family both, at least as much of them as I could. I thought it was a great plan.

I didn't want anybody to die, but that was a part of life. In order to save some of my family, I needed to let others die. That's why I told Emma to leave some behind, and she refused. I originally had planned to kill Isabella, even, but soon found out it was not possible.

What would Emma have thought of that, anyways? Would she downright refuse to kill others, or would she agree that it was for the better good of her family?

She'd probably have refused. She can be so stupid sometimes. But it didn't matter anymore.

The plan failed, and besides, Norman's gone.

Norman.

He agreed with Emma's plan. He thought that he could save everybody as well. He had usually been so calm and calculated, making the best decisions but this time, he'd screwed up. If he hadn't agreed to Emma's stupid, unreasonable plan, he might still be alive.

He thought he was smart, but he was almost as much of a naïve idiot as Emma was. She'd influenced him too much. Just because he had some stupid crush on her or whatever.

It was NOT the time to impress the girl he had a crush on. Our family was dying. Our lives were in our mother's hands.

It was his own fault he's dead now, I tell myself. He chose his own path.

Who am I kidding? It was impossible from the beginning. The past can't be changed. What if's don't exist.

What if the plan had gone differently?
What if Norman had chosen to listen to us for once instead of taking things in his own hands once again?

That was then. The now is different.
Now, I'm letting Emma decide on this. I'll try to keep up with the plan as much as possible. I'm gonna set myself, and the house, on fire. Maybe Emma will use it to escape with the kids. Maybe she won't. Maybe she's really given up.

It's all I can do anymore. Right?

Two weeks from now, I am going to die on my twelfth birthday.

And then...and then, I can finally see Norman in the afterlife.